


When Fate Strikes

by Terran Dowling (Enby_Entity)



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom, sabriel - Fandom
Genre: Attempted slow burn (but I suuuuck at writing those so we'll see), Dean's denial, Gabriel traps Dean with Cas in awkward situations that force him to acknowledge he has feelings, M/M, Sam doesn't stop Gabe one bit cos he KNOWS, angsty as hell, bisexual!dean, destiel!au, eventually it gets fluffy, gay!cas, idea came from an anon on tumblr (bless you nonnie), mlm pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2020-08-13 10:09:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20172508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enby_Entity/pseuds/Terran%20Dowling
Summary: So, we all know Castiel and Dean have feelings for each other. Cas knows it. Sam knows it. Gabriel eventually gains the knowledge of it. Dean, however, he's got that whole denial thing going on and that, well, that just won't do. No, no. Gabriel sees his brother pining for this oblivious human who's being a stubborn jackass and so, he sets out to force Dean to admit his feelings for Castiel, whatever that means, whatever it takes. It's a good thing, then, eh, that Gabriel has all these POWERS, yeah? Sam stands by and lets it happen because it's been long enough of this pining-from-afar shit; these two need to get together and bone already (but also have a meaningful relationship, of course). They deserve to be happy.





	1. The First Closet

_The scene: Dean, Sam, and Gabriel are all in the bunker in the library. Gabriel is sitting by watching as Sam and Dean argue, once more, over the most effective way...to clean the bathroom. (God only knows why they keep arguing over this; Gabe suspects it's boredom due to lack of significant cases these days)._

* * *

"Dean, for the last time, start with the hardest thing to clean, which is the shower, and work your way to the sink! It's literally the most time-efficient!"

"Sam, maybe it's time-efficient for _you_, neat freak, but-"

He never finished that sentence because, right then, Castiel walked in and said two simple words (and that's when Gabriel saw it all):

"Hello Dean."

Dean immediately turned to where the voice had come from: the angel standing in the doorway to the library, wearing his trademark tan (beige?) body-length trenchcoat overtop a black suit, white shirt, and the blue tie that was _still _not on right. Gabriel watched, now _very _interested, as Dean immediately brightened (he didn't exactly smile, but his posture straightened and just...overall seemed...brighter) while he greeted the angel. Gabe watched as Dean watched as the angel (who's eyes never left Dean's face) came over to Dean's side where he stood, far too close than was normal for two buddies to stand, neither of them seeming uncomfortable. They shared a smile.

_What's this I'm seeing? _Gabe wondered. 

Then he looked at Sam; seeing the younger brother looking mildly annoyed...no, that's not the right word. Sickened, maybe? Gabe couldn't put his finger on it, but anyway, it clued him in further. Something was _definitely _going on between this pair. He'd have to ask later.

Between the current moment and the moment he finally had some alone time to ask Sam, Gabriel witnessed just how magnetized these two were. Dean, of course, worked far too hard to remain aloof, borderline dismissive of the angel's presence but...was Dean aware that no matter what Castiel did, or where the angel was in the room, he [Dean] was always facing him in some way? When one of them moved, so did the other, always keeping each other in their peripheral views, always poised to leap to their defense (though such a thing was unnecessary in this place). The most curious part of it all was Sam. Sam _clearly _knew, and yet he said nothing. Why??

He finally got the chance to ask that evening as he was helping clean up the dishes while the other angel and hunter went to scour for cases. Gabe could _just _hear their voices down the hall. 

"Sam?" he prompted.

"Yes, Gabe?" 

"What's going on between Cas and Dean?"

Sam dropped the dish he'd been holding (why, though?) and cast a glance at him.

"Why do you ask?"

Gabe rolled his eyes at this poor attempt at denial.

"Please. I see it clear as day, I know you do, too. In fact, you look pretty sick of it."

Sam heaved a sigh, picking up the dish he'd dropped.

"Look, whatever is going on between them is not our business."

"So there IS something there!"

Sam slanted a sideways glance his way.

"Yeah, Gabriel, there's something there. There's always been something there ever since Cas arrived."

"But that was-"

"_I know_. That's what's so annoying."

Gabe faced his lover. "It took you and I, what, a month to get going?"

He noticed, with pleasure, as Sam's cheeks turned pink, and all of a sudden the six-foot-four guy was _shy_, unable to hold Gabe's gaze. _Good damn that's adorable._

"They're not us, Gabe."

"You know what, I'm going to talk to them."

"No!"

"Why not?!"

"If you bring this up with Dean, he will just deny it until his last breath! And it'll make things worse for Cas! Right now, Dean has let his defenses down, he's sort of let Cas in, which is farther than that poor angel has gotten in a long time. If you talk to Dean now, all he's gonna do is lock down and triple his efforts to keep that distance between him and Cas. _Don't ruin this for your brother."_

Well, damn it, he had to do _something!_

So, after dishes, he sought out his brother, who was outside watching the stars...alone.

"Where's Dean?" he asked as he sat beside the other angel on the grassy hill outside the bunker.

"Inside playing video games in that man-cave of his."

"He kept that?!"

Cas slanted a _are you kidding me_ glance his way. "Yeah, Gabriel, he kept that."

_My my you're irritable tonight. I wonder why._

"So, I wanted to ask you something."

Castiel waited in silence.

"What's going on with you and Dean?"

Panic was the angel's first response, and then, quite predictably, was the denial.

"Nothing's going on between us."

"Castiel, I've known you literally since you were created. I've never seen you the way I saw you around Dean. You can't focus on anything else when he's in the room. You're a fucking warrior, for our Father's sake, and yet around this one human you-"

"Alright! I have...feelings...for Dean. Now leave it alone!"

_Hmm, even more surly now. That's interesting._

"Cas, why are you so upset now?"

Cas was now glaring at the town far below them, and for a hot second Gabriel was convinced that he wasn't going to answer; and then he did.

"Because he doesn't feel the same way, Gabe, alright? I know it's stupid, I'm stupid, for hanging on but I just. I can't help it." 

That's when the warrior of God did the most vulnerable thing Gabe had ever seen: he pulled his legs up to his chest and hugged them, resting his face there as well. Gabe's heart broke, seeing his brother be so miserable. He moved over and put a supportive arm around him, pleased when Cas didn't pull away.

"Listen, bro, he _does _care for you. I've seen it. Sam's seen it. I think you know this deep down because otherwise, these feelings of yours, they'd have moved on by now. You keep hanging on because deep, deep down, you've seen with your own eyes that Dean shares how you feel. It's just...he's a stupid, toxic male who doesn't think he's allowed to show emotions, let alone have any."

Cas looked at him with his trademark confused look.

"Why are you suddenly hating on Dean? I thought you liked him well enough."

"I do; he's a good hunter. A damned good one, really. But I don't like what he's doing to you, Cas. You deserve to be happy."

"I'm fine, Gabe. Look, I'm gonna head back in, alright?"

_Mm, you will be fine soon_, he thought, already planning how to start this trek to forcing Dean to admit his feelings for Cas, and _hopefully_, leading to an actual relationship. No more of this stupid pining shit. 

Dean was just putting his gaming console back when Castiel walked into the room; everything ceased but the angel standing before him. This damned reaction annoyed Dean to no end, and it never stopped happening _every time _the angel showed up. It was worse the longer they spent apart. 

"Hey, bud," he greeted the angel, "what's up?"

"Hello, Dean; I was just checking on you bef-"

Gabriel, all of a sudden, began screaming.

"Oh my DAD! DEAN! CAS! SAM! I NEED YOUR HELP!" 

Dean and Cas took off like a shot, locating Gabriel in Dean's room, in front of his closet. Sam was nowhere in sight, but the pair didn't care. 

"What? What's wrong??" Dean asked, grabbing his gun he'd left on the dresser. Cas shook loose from his sleeve an angel blade. 

"Please! In there! It went in there! Some horrible creature!!"

Now, in theory, these two pretty intelligent beings should not have fallen for that so easily, but Gabe had been banking on their dying from boredom causing them to leap into action over anything that would be a blessed reprieve; and so, the pair headed into the closet to fight whatever was in there, and that's when Gabe closed the door and locked it magically, where only he had the key.

"HEY!" Dean bellowed, whirling back towards the door! "GABE! WHAT THE FUCK?!"

All he got in response was a sort of weird giggle. 

"GOD DAMN-" Cas turned on the light, and all at once, all the air left Dean's lungs. Castiel was unbearably close, looking at him with blue eyes that peered into his very soul. Dean could feel the heat coming off of the angel and suddenly found himself desperate to be closer to it. To him. In fact, he found himself moving in, absolutely mesmerized.

And then it all shattered and Dean realized just how close he now was to that angel, to...dare he say it? _Kissing _the angel. 

"No!" He pushed away (the closet didn't leave him much room but it was better than nothing). "What the hell is going on?!"

Cas put away his angel blade as he spoke.

"Gabe thinks there's something between us and he's trying to force us to address it."

Dean barked out a laugh. Something between him and the angel? Good gawd, that was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard! No! Of _course _he didn't feel anything for the angel! Not like _that! _He laughed again. Oh, that was just so dumb! He loved Cas, sure, but, here he laughed a third time, not like _that_.

"That's good, actually," Dean said, laughing harder. "That's fucking good. Oh, god. Hey, Gabe! Nice try! But you're fuckin' seeing things!"

"No, I don't think so, Dean!" Gabe replied.

Dean sobered, and went to the door, trying the handle. It turned, but the door remained closed. He knocked on it.

"Gabe, come on, let us out. You win this time, alright, you got us. Prank over. Let us out."

"Not until you admit you care about Cas, Dean."

"Fine, I care about Cas. Now let us out!" He banged on the door a second time.

"No, no, Dean, not like that! You _care _about him."

"Damn it, Gabriel, this is not fucking funny! LET US THE FUCK OUT."

"Come on, Gabe, give it up!" Cas offered, much calmer than the human. "Just let it go already."

Dean turned to him, suspicious.

"What does that mean?!"

Cas looked confused. "I already told you, Dean, he thinks something is going on here." Now he looked concerned. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Am I feeling okay? You want to know what I'm feeling Cas?" (Cas, beyond all logic, felt himself have a surge of hope.) "I'm feeling fucking _trapped_ by your god damn psycho brother out there! That's what I'm fucking feeling!" It wasn't lost on Dean how Cas' face actually fell a little bit at that. He elected to ignore it and turned towards the door, fully prepared to kick it down, and just as he was about to do so, it opened, revealing not just Gabe, but Sam (whose gaze went straight to Cas, sending him a look of regret. Cas met that look for a second, then looked away; Sam's heart broke).

Dean stepped out first, furious. Gabe stood his ground as the hunter approached.

"Just what. in the hell. was _that__?" _Dean snarled.

"I thought I saw-"

"That's right, Gabriel, you _thought_. You didn't see jack shit! So don't you FUCKING try that again, got it?!" Just for good measure, he laid one solid punch right across Gabriel's jaw, then grabbed the angel's shirt at the back of his neck and shoved him out the door. "EVERYONE OUT, NOW!" 

Castiel went without a single hesitation. Sam, however, stayed behind. He and Dean...they needed to talk.


	2. The Bathroom

Dean was still furious and willing to fight whomever didn't listen to him, which apparently fell upon his brother at the moment.

"Sam," he growled, hands clenching back into fists. "I won't ask again."

Sam studied him for a second, then headed towards the door. Just as Dean was beginning to relax, Sam closed the door instead of going out it, and faced towards him once more.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Dean barked at him, tense once again, defenses on the highest alert they'd ever been. What had happened in the closet must _never _happen again, and it wouldn't! Dean did _not _like Cas like that, damn it! He was a straight male! He'd never _once _had romantic feelings for another male.

_Cas isn't exactly male, though, _a calm, rational voice explained inside Dean's mind_, I mean, not technically. He's an angel. He's technically gender-less. He just goes by he because of his vessel._

_Oh, shut up, _Dean snapped at...himself? 

"I am your brother, Dean, and I have kept my mouth shut for long enough. You are hurting Cas."

Dean scoffed, about to defend himself when Sam beat him to it.

"No, you listen to me, you fucking jerk. Cas has feelings for you. You fucking know it. It's clear as day. Also as clear is that you share those feelings."

"Sam-"

"LET ME FINISH!" Sam roared, shocking Dean into silence. "For over ten fucking years I have watched that angel look at you like you were the greatest damned thing on this planet, because in his world, you _are_. He constantly prioritizes YOU over everything else. He fucking fell from Heaven for YOU, Dean. He makes sacrifice after sacrifice for you because he loves you and meanwhile, I've watched as you blatantly push him away, as you take enormous strides to keep some distance between the two of you. You _know _how he feels. I can tell that you share them by the way your focus shifts to him entirely when he's in the room, in the way your body is always in sync with his, how alert you are to your surroundings whenever you're together. You need to face the fact that you are in love with him."

Dean, anger refusing to release its hold on him (and, okay, so this was also his pride), stepped in close to his brother, and grabbed his brother's shirt to yank him a little bit more down to his level.

"Listen carefully, little bro," Dean said in a tone that dripped with venom, "I'm only going to say this once. I am not in love with the fucking angel. I'm grateful for all he's done for us, and yeah, I know he has feelings for me, but that's as far as this fucking thing goes, YOU GOT IT?!" He shoved Sam towards the door. "No more of this love shit! I don't want to hear it!"

Sam glared at him as he took the door handle behind him in preparation to leave.

"You're tearing his heart apart, Dean, and sooner or later he is going to break, and you are going to lose him. Denial is _not _your friend here."

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" Dean screamed, this time grabbing the gun (desperate times...) and pointing it at his own brother. "OR I SWEAR, Sammy, I _swear _I will fucking shoot you."

Sam left without another word, slamming the door behind him hard enough to rattle some pictures on the wall.

Dean set the gun down, turned towards his bed, got a pillow, covered his face with it, and screamed for a solid five minutes until all the conflict within was gone.

He didn't love the angel. He did _not _love the angel. This he vowed to repeat until he died.

>>>

Cas looked up from the library table as he heard the door slam. A second later he was right back to staring at the table again, not really seeing it. That moment in the closet. He'd seen too much in Dean's eyes. It'd been there, clear as day, the desire he'd been dying for all this time to see in those beautiful green eyes. Then, just as fast, it was gone, and things were worse. All because Gabe just _had _to intervene. 

Speaking of...

"Hey, bro," Gabe said cautiously, taking a seat next to him, "how are you feeling?"

Cas didn't reply, let that be the answer. Gabe had eyes, he could see just how he was fucking doing.

Gabe let out a sigh. "Right. Listen-"

Castiel suddenly had to know.

"Why?" He demanded, glaring right at his brother now. "Why'd you do it?"

"B-Because, because! Cas! This pining stuff might be cute the first few months, but this long?? When it's so obvious that he shares those feelings??"

"You drove him further away, damn it! You were _told _that this would drive him away and you didn't fucking listen! WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN!" Cas got up, desperate to be out of this place, to be as far away from this pain as he could possibly get (but of course the pain would just follow no matter where he went) so he headed towards the stairs that led up to the exit. Halfway up the stairs, he paused to address his brother once more: 

"Next time you feel like trying to get me set up with him, fucking _don't_. Next time, STAY OUT!" Cas was gone in the next few seconds, leaving Gabe standing, alone (until he wasn't) in the library, absolutely stunned.

"I told you so," Sam said quietly from one of the entrances. Gabe looked at him to answer, but Sam had already disappeared down the hall, heading to his room for the night.

"I'm not giving up," Gabe mumbled under his breath. This confirmed things more than ever. After all, _he who doth protest too much..._

<><><><>

It'd been a week now since the whole debacle, and things had calmed down between everyone. Or, at least, everyone had sufficiently buried their emotions on the matter enough to resume daily activities with relative ease. Anyhoo, they'd found a case _finally_, which really helped since they were all starting to get cabin fever. At the moment, it was the third morning into the investigation. Sam and Cas were out interviewing while Dean and Gabe were at the hotel to research. Dean had decided to shower, and just as he went to the bathroom to do so, Gabe thought of something _brilliant _(or so he thought) that might just force things into Cas' favor once and for all.

He sent a prayer out to Cas to get his feathery ass back here, and in two seconds time, Cas walked through the door looking mildly annoyed.

"What do you want, Gabe?"

"Come here, I wanna show you something."

Suspicious but not so much he refused to go over, Cas was soon by Gabriel's side, now looking confused. 

"Okay, what is it?"

"I have a plan," Gabe said to him, very excited.

Suspicion returned.

"A plan for what?"

"You and Dean."

Cas' confusion cleared in an instant.

"_No_." He started towards the front door, until Gabe snapped his fingers, freezing Cas where he was (halfway to the door), preventing him from being able to move anything at all but his eyes...and his mouth.

"What the hell are you doing, Gabriel?!"

"It's a great plan, Castiel, hear me out! Okay, so Dean's in there showering right now," _oooooh, look how he immediately tries to look, clearly interested, towards the bathroom door, _"And what if you were there, buck-naked, goodies out and all, for him to catch a lovely glimpse of. For sure, he'd be unable to deny the pull he'd have towards you. I mean, brother, you are _hung_."

Now Cas looked annoyed.

"This isn't my-" he closed his eyes for a moment (would've shook his head had it not been paralyzed), "No, Gabriel! Damn it! Why won't you li-"

"Too late, bro, we're doing this." Gabe snapped his fingers and the next thing Castiel knew, he was standing in the bathroom, facing the shower with his back to the door. The shower had a frosted door on it, and Dean had his back turned towards it so he did not currently know that Cas was in here with him. That's when Cas noted just how oddly cold he felt, which prompted him to look down. 

_Buck-naked_, Gabriel had said, and he had delivered. Snarling, Cas turned towards the door and hissed through it, knowing full well that Gabriel could hear every word that was spoken in a very Dean-esque way.

"You are a fucking jackass, Gabriel! This is not fucking funny! Let me the fuck out of here before he sees me!"

Gabe cackled. "The point is for him to see you, Castiel, weren't you listening?!"

"DAMN-"

"Cas?!" Dean exclaimed. 

Without thinking, Castiel turned around. 

Dean...stared. What else could he have done? He'd never seen the angel naked before, shock had him frozen in place. Sure, sure, he could've looked away once he saw but...it was...beautiful. He had a nice heft, and real good length, and that little tuft of pubic hair was so cute.

And then Dean realized he, too, was standing before Cas, completely exposed, and that Cas...well, Cas was also staring. And in that moment, Dean felt a boost to his self-esteem...a major boost. 

Two seconds after that, he came back to his senses. And once more was angry as he grabbed a towel nearby to cover up.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing?!" Dean tried his best to sound _very, very angry _but truth be told, he was mostly just...shook.

Cas blinked as if ripped from a trance. 

"I. Uh." He turned back towards the door and banged on it with both fists three times. "OPEN THE DOOR, GABRIEL!" He shouted.

"Gabriel's behind this?!" Dean exclaimed (it should be noted that...well...Dean spoke this not to Castiel's back but to the angel's smooth, bare ass; it should also be noted that the desire to cup those supple ass cheeks in his hands did not go punished in Dean's mind...he let the thought occur and even enjoyed the little fantasy his mind played of the act).

Shortly after, coming once more back into reality, he joined Cas by the door, careful not to touch the angel's bare skin (made easier when Cas moved away from him) and hit the door with the palm of his hand. 

"Gabriel, SO HELP ME I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU if you don't let us the fuck out! NOW! This is not funny! This is not cute! YOU ARE PISSING US OFF!"

Just like that, the door opened, revealing a grinning, very amused, not-in-the-least-bit-concerned-for-his-own-life Gabriel standing on the other side.

"So, did you guys like what you saw?"

Cas looked at Dean for a second (Dean found himself unable to hold that gaze for more than a millisecond), let out a resigned sigh, said to Dean:

"Make it hurt," and then miracled his clothes back on and left the way he'd come in. (He filled Sam in when he rejoined the man). 

He hoped Gabriel would stop these stupid shenanigans, honestly feeling like he was going to explode into nothingness if this kept up much longer. At least before he could pine in peace. Now, he'd seen what Dean had hidden so well, and now it was that much harder to even be around the man. If this kept up much longer...Cas might just have to leave for good, if only to protect himself.


	3. The Elevator

Cas didn't leave just yet. As one can imagine, things between Cas and Dean were at their worst (so far). Cas was refusing to so much as look at Dean, and Dean was trying his damnedest to deny the fact that Cas' cold shoulder treatment was doing a number on him. There was small comfort for Dean that he wasn't the only one Cas was ignoring; the angel was also refusing to speak to his own brother. Sam was the only one Cas remained friendly around. Dean wondered if things would ever get better again...he hoped they would. Much as he wanted to deny it...he missed talking to Cas. After all, first and foremost the angel was his best friend. 

A few days were spent like this, with Cas doing a real impressive job of avoiding being alone with Dean until the moment, while leaving an apartment building they were investigating, Dean managed to at the last minute catch the elevator going down. Dean didn't see the other person who was in the elevator until after the doors closed. What tipped him off was the smell. It wasn't...no, not like that, it wasn't a bad smell! Castiel had chosen a very particular brand of cologne (and Dean for the life of him couldn't fuckin' remember the name of it and it smelled well, it was sort of sweet? Uh, faintly like...he'd have to say...pumpkin spice without it being exactly that; it was difficult to pinpoint the right words to describe). 

Anyway, he smelled that smell that screamed in his mind _angel!! _and upon looking, his heart fucking flew. There he was! Closer than he'd been in awhile. Dean _hated _how overjoyed he was to be close to the angel again, knowing the undercurrent to the feelings. That was as far as it went, however. For when he tried to think of something to say, his mind drew nothing but blanks. 

The lights of the elevator flickered once, twice, and returned to normal. At first, Dean's senses went into overdrive (flickering lights after all...) and just as he was about to calm down, the elevator came to a screeching halt so abrupt it threw both him and the angel to the floor. Lights went off, emergency lights came on, and for a millisecond, Dean was _that close _to the angel once again. Their eyes met ever so briefly but in the blink of an eye, the angel was as far away from Dean as the elevator allowed (which wasn't much room, there was maybe a foot of space between them), and Dean felt his heart sink while his pride threw a fit. 

If the silence before was hard to handle, the silence now was intolerable, excruciating, next in line to pulling teeth. And boy, oh boy, did Dean's mind keep going over and over how he _hated _that it was bothering him this much; this was some fuckin...middle school shit he was experiencing. Still, he said nothing, made no attempts to start a dialogue, and so they sat, in an elevator filled to the brim and beyond with tension. 

So an hour passes, then another. Still no rescue. All at once, he realized this was Gabriel's doing. _Had _to be. He jumped to his feet (noticing how that captured the angel's attention).

"Gabriel! I _KNOW _this is your doing! Come on, man! Where you hiding?!" He tried looking up at the ceiling to see if he could see anyone up there but of course the light made that difficult. "GABE!" 

He waited. After a few minutes of no reply, he got out his phone and tried Sam. No answer. Next he tried Gabriel. Also no answer. So he turned to Castiel.

"Call your brother."

Castiel looked at him with cold eyes that chilled Dean to his very soul. "You already did."

"Well, he's probably ignoring my call 'cos he knows I'm two seconds from KILLING HIM for not cutting this shit out! You, he might answer. Just. Call him, Cas."

Cas rolled his eyes, heaved a sigh (talk about being dramatic), dug out his phone and called. After about a minute, he hung up.

"No answer," he said to the floor at his feet rather than at Dean.

"Fucking damn it." Dean muttered, trying to think his way out. He went to the door to try to pry it open. It wouldn't budge.

"Cas, help me here?"

No reply.

"Cas."

Silence.

Dean lost the last of his patience; he whirled on the angel.

"Alright, you know what?! Fuck you, Cas! Fuck this fucking attitude of yours! You wanna ignore me? Fine, whatever, but we are fucking _trapped _right now! We've already spent two god damned hours down here. Do you _really _wanna spend any more?! I know you're fucking pissed at me. So why not help me the fuck out so you can go do whatever the fuck you want that's as far away from me as you're willing to get?!"

Cas glared at him for a hot minute (man, did that feel like an eternity to Dean), before looking back at the floor and simply saying:

"The doors won't open; the elevator was built differently. As a safety feature, they made it so the only way the doors open is if the elevator is in operation and has arrived at one of the three floors this building has. You're wasting your energy."

Dean was...astounded. The fucking angel wasn't even _trying_ to work with him! All because of some stupid grudge! 

_It's more than a grudge and you know it, you asshole, _a voice said in his mind.

"God damn it!" Dean cried out, kicking one of the elevator's walls.

"Oh, yeah, sure, _kick at it_, that's a great idea, Dean," Cas sniped.

"Do you have a better fucking idea?! I'm all ears, Castiel!" Cas didn't answer. "That's what I thought. Fuck you." He turned back towards the doors and tried again. They did not budge. 

_Fifteen minutes later:_

Dean had finally given up, sliding to the floor, breath heaving, honestly near tears his frustration was just drowning him at the moment. Cas was currently staring at the wall opposite them; Dean hadn't seen him blink in at least five minutes. Was he sleeping with his eyes open? 

And anyway, they had bigger problems. They needed a way out of this magical mess.

"There's gotta be a damned way out," he mumbled to himself.

"Call 911, Dean. I'm surprised you haven't thought of that."

Dean glared at the angel, well aware that this was not helping their friendship in the least bit. "Cas, you know as well as I do that this is your brother's doing. Another stupid attempt to get me to admit I have feelings for you, _which I do not_. Means this elevator is magically stuck, not the usual stuck, which means the police won't be a god damned bit of help. Thanks for the judgments, though. _Really _helping things."

"Go to hell."

"Already been, no thanks."

Cas shot him a lethal glare and for a hot second, Dean was convinced Cas was going to make good on an old threat that he could easily put him back in hell, but nothing happened except for Cas looking away again.

Another few minutes passed and in those minutes, Dean was able to calm down again and think logically. There was no way out, nobody was answering their cellphones. The police were useless here. So what could he poss--

He got it.

"Cas-"

"Oh, my Dad, _what now?!"_

While, admittedly, Dean deserved that, he didn't like it, and while he wanted to snipe back, he held his pride back this time, bit his tongue, took a moment to calm down, then said through clenched teeth:

"I was going to suggest...Castiel...that _maybe_ you could pray to your brother. Direct line of communication...right?"

Cas looked surprised, further confirmed when he said: "Oh. That's actually a good idea." He closed his eyes to concentrate.

"_'Ooh,ThAt's ActUalLy a GoOd iDeA'_," Dean mumbled sarcastically under his breath. Cas flipped him off, eyes remaining closed. Dean bit his lip to hold back the laughter, hiding his smile by looking down. In that moment, those feelings he was trying desperately to deny grew stronger, and that much harder to ignore.

Cas knew Dean was smiling and it was taking everything he had not to smile himself. He had no idea why, for he was still beyond pissed with the human. Nevertheless, he had to focus on the task at hand. It took less than a second to establish a connection and even less time to break it upon seeing just what (or rather whom...and how...) Gabriel was doing. Castiel suddenly felt the need to throw up, despite having nothing in his stomach _to _throw up.

Dean was disappointed when Cas returned faster than expected, then concerned when the angel was looking a little green around the gills.

"What happened?"

"Well, I know why Gabe and Sam weren't answering their phones." Cas took some breaths. "And also, Dean, trust me when I say that Gabe has nothing to do with this situation." 

Dean was confused...at first...until one look from Cas clued him in, and all at once, he understood too much.

"Oh, God. Oh, _God_. I did not need that image!"

"How do you think I feel? I saw it live!"

"Ohhh, I am so sorry," Dean groaned, burying his face in his hands trying desperately to dispel the very disturbing images his brain conjured while simultaneously feeling sorry for the angel. "God! Ewwww." He shuddered hard in disgust, let out one more groan, and then doubled his efforts to think of anything else. As he did so, silence settled between them once more...somehow more comfortable than before. Neither noticed that the space between them was now smaller.

At that time, Dean remembered he needed to call 911, did so, and was told help would arrive within the hour, to hang tight. Just as Dean hung up, Castiel began taking off his clothes which enraptured Dean far too much. First came off the trench coat, then came off the jacket, next the tie was loosened, and that's where Cas left it, sitting back down again with a little sigh. The whole thing lasted maybe four seconds but Dean. Dean saw it in slow-motion, and then his gaze trailed back up to Castiel's jawline, his lips, his perfect nose, his eyes, then that beautiful hair that Dean wanted to run his hands through...and boy, did that get him going. Becoming aware of the boner now making the jeans uncomfortable, Dean crashed back into his usual denial, and all at once needed the world's biggest distraction. What he decided to do was probably not the smartest idea.

"Cas, why is it that you continue to make your tie wrong?"

Cas looked at him and for the first time in days, he regarded Dean with a gentle expression.

"Because it's how it was when we first met."

_Oh. _Was Dean's first reaction. Then flooded in the feelings. The way his heart sped up while feeling oddly twice its normal size, the way his stomach clenched, the way his breath became shorter, the way he suddenly couldn't understand what the hell he was doing fighting this so much. Here was a being who loved him deeply, had loved him so for ten plus years that he'd kept his wardrobe exactly the way it'd been when they'd met. 

That was fucking _love_, damn it! And that was beautiful! 

"Cas, I..." Dean scooted over to where the angel sat (pleased when Cas didn't try to move away), and met those blue eyes. He lost the will to speak as once more the question of _why am I fighting this so much when it comes so easily? _ran through his mind.

"Dean?" Cas murmured, drawing Dean in even closer.

(_Was this it?_ Cas wondered. Was it finally happening??)

_Cas, I love you, _Dean wanted to say. His hand reached out for one of Cas', found its target, and with that touch the moment shattered. In a literal blink of an eye, Dean scurried back into hiding, scooting without another word back to his original spot on the other side of the elevator. His heart ached when Cas took in a halting breath that almost sounded like a couple of sobs; instead of addressing that, though, he chose to _really study _his hands as if they were seriously the most fascinating thing on the planet now and forever. 

There they spent a few minutes in recovery, Dean burrowing just as deep as he could in the denial that he thought protected him, while Cas...poor Cas...struggled against his heart tearing right the fuck apart.

Cas got mad. Furious, actually. Hell, he got worse than furious, whatever the term for that was. 

"GOD DAMN IT, DEAN!" he roared (the tiny space really amplified that so Dean actually cringed at the volume and instinctively put his hands against his ears). Following this rage now surging through him, screaming in enochian now as he did so, he punched one of the walls, breaking through entirely. With the contact made, he stopped screaming altogether and stared at the wall, breath heaving as the weight of his broken heart completely sunk in. There was pain radiating from his chest, traveling to every single part of his body, pain that was stealing his breath, clouding his thoughts. The pain that is ones heart breaking, the kind of pain that almost every human knows all too well and only barely survives. How was an angel, ill-prepared to handle these emotions, supposed to deal with the strongest one that does a lot of humans in?? Humans! Who were _well_ accustomed to these things! How the _fuck _was _he_ supposed to get through this?!

Slowly, while regathering thoughts, he withdrew his hand, none surprised when he saw the blood.

"Cas-"

That voice made the pain ten times worse (how was that even possible?!)

"DON'T! The minute we get out of here, I don't fucking want to see you ever again!" And he meant it. He was _done_. 

As if the Universe had heard and granted his wish, the elevator doors opened, revealing a crowd of police officers. Cas' only goal now was to get the fuck out, whatever that took.

"Eyy, there they are!" Some chorused.

Dean hardly noticed, watching with fear as Castiel, his one and only best friend, leapt to his feet and just about ran out of there. Was this the moment he'd disappear forever? It began to really sink in just what all of this was doing to the poor creature who'd never, before he'd met Dean, had to deal with these messy human emotions. 

For the first time, Dean felt immense regret. Was it too late? Was Cas well and truly gone for good??


	4. The Reunion

When Dean got back to the bunker later that evening (he'd been hungry so he'd stopped by a nearby diner, otherwise he'd have been there sooner), he automatically searched the place top to bottom for his best friend only to discover he was nowhere around. Sam and Gabe were spooning in Sam's room, passed out, but that was it for others being in the bunker. Grabbing a pack of beer from the fridge, Dean went to sit at the table that was near the bunker's entrance, determined to wait for Cas to come home.

Sam awoke around two that morning for no reason other than he needed to pee. After tending to his business, he saw that the light from the main room was on and went to investigate. There Dean sat, passed out with his head on his arms on top of the table, snoring lightly. The six pack of beers off to his left was completely empty, every bottle drained. That was not a good sign. He went over and gently shook Dean awake, jumping back when Dean yelled out Cas' name and looked around wildly. This broke Sam's heart.

"Dean, it's me."

It took Dean a hot minute to get his bearings. When he finally looked at Sam, his expression was haunted.

"Is Cas here?"

"No, he's not. It's just me and Gabe."

"Oh. He'll be here." Dean stood up with a groan, stretched, and headed towards the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" Sam inquired.

"The kitchen, Sam, you know this place as well as I do, this is the way to the kitchen."

Sam rolled his eyes at Dean's back as he followed.

"Okay, smartass, _why_ are you going to the kitchen?"

"To get more beer."

"Dean, what's going on?"

Dean stopped in front of the fridge, hand on its handle but didn't open it.

"Nothing's going on. Cas just went his own way tonight, is all. I'm waiting up for him."

"Cas always keeps you informed, though."

"Well, he forgot tonight. It's fine." Dean opened the fridge to get the only other six pack of beer that was left but Sam came over, eased him out of the way, and shut the door, now standing between him and the nectar Dean desperately sought. He was beginning to...feel...again, and he _so _did no want to deal with that shit anymore. 

"Sam, what the hell are you doing?"

"Go to bed, Dean," Sam said in a firm tone. "Get some actual sleep. Cas isn't coming home tonight."

"Yes, he is! He always does!"

"It's two in the morning, for Christ's sake. He's always back before midnight 'cos he knows you won't sleep unless..." Sam was stopped cold by the flare of pain in Dean's eyes. Something had gone way wrong between them earlier, he just knew it. "I mean. Uhm. Just. It's good to sleep in a bed, okay?"

Dean ignored him, turning around and making his way back to the main room, mumbling about Cas just being late tonight, about how it wasn't a big deal, how he would wait up for him, it'd be fine.

Sam knew there was no reasoning to be done here so he gave up and headed back to bed where Gabe was awake. He, of course, had listened to everything, and was looking concerned.

"Something is wrong with Cas?"

Sam let out a sigh as he got back in bed.

"I...he won't talk. I have no idea."

More worried than ever, Gabe got out of bed. "I'll go find Cas. You take care of your brother. I'll let you know what Cas says."

Sam forced a smile at him and nodded, letting out another sigh when he was alone a second later.

"Damn it, Dean, what did you do?" Sam muttered. 

It took some major looking, mostly because Castiel was not even on the Earth, before Gabriel found him in a memory of a soul in Heaven, and really, he'd only found him there because at the last second he remembered that Cas had a favorite place to escape to when things got, well, tough. It'd been years since he'd needed it, but it made sense that he'd be here now.

What he saw, however, stole his breath (and not in a good way). Castiel was in what they called the "Everbloom Meadow" for it was always in bloom and always sunny. Essentially, it was a happy place; only fitting, right, for a soul in heaven, yeah? Well, Castiel was the one thing not happy in this place. He was curled up on his side, freely sobbing. Imagine Heaven's warrior, fearless, structured, some might even say tough...sobbing like it was the end of the world and he'd just lost his most prized possession.

...Well...in a way...he had.

"Cas..." Gabriel groaned with sympathy and worry as he rushed over. Castiel was beyond words; it was _all _pouring out now. He allowed his older brother to hold him; neither said a word. 

After the sobs passed, Cas said only one thing:

"Don't make me go back there."

And Gabe, against his vow to get Dean and Cas together, promised Cas that he could stay here as long as he wanted. No lies. No tricks. He could see his brother needed some time; he was willing to wait.

_A week later_

Dean was where we'd last left him: waiting for Cas at the table near the main entrance. Don't worry, he's tended to all his human needs when they've cropped up, but whenever he wasn't doing that, he was watching that door like a hawk. Sam had tried again and again to get him to, well, _not _do that, but with little to no motive (as in...no cases), such a thing had been impossible. 

Until now.

He'd finally found a case. It wasn't _blaringly _weird but weird enough that he thought it might be a good idea to check out. See, criminals, in a small prison located in Wyoming, who were actually starting to do better, starting to rehabilitate in a positive manner, really just days away from parole meetings that were looking to go very well would suddenly turn into polar opposites, acting even _worse _than they'd been acting that got them arrested in the first place. Sure, some people got worse in prison but not quite like this, not that Sam had ever noticed anyway (for all he knew, this could be a common occurrence). The point was, he saw this as a chance to get Dean out of the bunker. Even if it meant dragging the man against his will.

He'd just walked in saying _"So get this..." _grabbing Dean's attention when the entrance to the bunker opened and in walked the last person he ever expected to see around here again.

One moment Dean's attention was on Sam, eager to hear what he'd found for them to investigate, and the next he was staring at the angel he was sure he'd never see again. His heart flew through the roof and beyond, stealing his breath away as the angel took his time to descend the steps. Gabriel was right behind him. At the bottom of those stairs, Cas looked at the brothers each as he said their names:

"Sam. Dean."

Sam watched closely as Castiel looked at Dean. It was like it'd been when he'd first arrived in their lives: there were no emotions. Sam looked at Dean and saw that Dean could tell. It was blatantly obvious. He looked questioningly at Gabriel as he [Gabe] made his way over to him [Sam].

"He's bad off, Sam," Gabe murmured at him. "Didn't even want to come back here."

"Then why..."

"That's what I can't figure out. He spent a week burying himself in small miracle work around the globe under the guise that he'd never come back here and then one day he just...came back. Hasn't explained a word to me about it."

"Oh." Sam watched for a minute as the pair stared at each other (but also not at each other if that made any sense) and made a decision. "I think these two deserve their privacy."

"Mm, you're right. Let's go. Besides, I've missed you." The glint in his eyes made Sam roll his. Gabe had the _worst _sense of timing...but he'd missed him, too, and it'd be nice to spend some alone time together before the case.

"Cas." Dean breathed, desperate to touch the angel, to hug him, to hold him close, to know he was not imagining this...or dreaming it. Instinctively, he knew this was real, and he also knew that to touch the angel would be the worst thing he could do, so he kept his distance. "You were gone for awhile."

"Yeah." Cas sat in one of the chairs at the table, staring at his hands. "Had some stuff to do."

"Right." Dean sat opposite to him, unable to stop staring at the beauty sitting before him. He'd missed everything...the mussed black hair, those blue eyes, the lips that looked perpetually parched, the jawline, the flawless skin, the trench coat, the tie...Everything. "I was worried about you."

At this the angel looked up at him with just a _flash_ of an emotion before returning to his neutral expression.

"I was fine."

"You could've checked in."

"Why do I need to check in? Am I a child you need under your surveillance at all times? Am I not allowed to be independent?"

The retort stung. Dean recognized this version of the angel very well. The cold detachment. The tendency to be snarky. The defenses. He hated he'd snapped Cas back to that place. He wondered if he could ever get the angel out of it again, if he could get Cas to open up to him once more.

"No, of course not, I just. I care, Cas."

"Do you. That's nice."

Another sting. 

"I've always cared about you."

At this the angel stood up and said angrily: "Not the way I cared about you, though, _right__?" _Anger flashed like lightning in his blue eyes. A second later he had his eyes closed and took some breaths. "It doesn't matter. That was a mistake on my part that I'll not be making again."

"Cas," _God, what have I done... "__why _did you return if you're still so obviously mad at me?"

Those eyes opened and burned into his.

"Because the world doesn't fucking revolve around you, Dean. _My _world doesn't revolve around you. And..." Here Cas faltered. "I...missed Sam." 

Dean (ignoring the thrill of attraction at hearing Cas swear) let out a little enlightened gasp.

"You actually don't _know _why you've come back, do you??"

At this the angel gave him a look of exasperation...and frustration. "You know what, this was a bad idea." He started towards the stairs.

In that moment...Dean realized a shattering truth.

_He couldn't live without the angel. Not again._

"Cas, wait!" Dean called out, stopping the angel halfway up the stairs. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry for pushing you just now. I'm sorry for making this difficult for you. I'm sorry for what I've been doing to you for these past years. I'm. I'm really sorry I've been making you feel like shit. Please, though. Don't leave." His breathing hitched. "Please...stay. You've always been family. You still are. Stay for Sam. Or Gabe. Or whatever. Just." He attempted some calming breaths that didn't work. "Just stay." Though his throat hadn't closed up, tears escaped down his face, surprising the hell out of him. It was those tears that convinced Cas to give this one more go.

"Alright." He headed back down the stairs. "I think Sam has a case anyway, I heard him say the phrase." He walked past Dean without another glance and went to find Dean's brother. 

Dean needed a moment to collect himself against the panic that wasn't quite ready to release its hold upon him. But...hey...he convinced Cas to stay. That was good, right? 

Was Cas ready, per se, to be close to Dean? No, he wasn't, not by a fucking long shot. And, truth be told, he really was as clueless as everyone else as to why he was back at all. It was still killing him just seeing the man he foolishly loved. He hated that something still called him to Dean Winchester, just as it'd always done over the years. Whatever it was, no matter how pissed and annoyed he got at it, he knew it'd never let him be free. So he'd just have to find a way to deal with it, to stuff it away some place, perhaps, so that it wouldn't drown him, the way it was currently doing, in wave after wave of the worst agony Cas had ever known. If he didn't successfully close it off...

Well...

Let's not go there just yet. Who knows what the future holds? (...Besides legit psychics, that is). They had a case to deal with; he would focus upon that.


	5. The Handcuffs

Cas started off towards Sam's room. Dean, now able to focus again with Cas out of the room, noted that Sam and Gabriel were missing. His brain put two and two together, also paired with the realization of what Cas was about to do. He took off after the angel and saw he was mere seconds too late. He had to try, though.

"CAS, DON'T!" Dean yelled with intense apprehension as Cas' hand touched the handle of the closed door; the angel froze (a miracle), and cast a look his way.

"Why?"

"Just listen closely."

The confused look settled upon the angel's face as he focused on listening as instructed. A few seconds later, he understood, and released the door knob. Now he looked annoyed.

"So what do I do, then?"

"Well, we leave this hallway, for one, and just wait it out."

Cas was not pleased by this (but he understood that he'd kept Gabe and his lover apart for a week; indeed the pair deserved this time spent together). He grumbled out "Fine." and headed back towards the main room, sparing Dean not one glance as he passed. Dean bit back a sudden urge to sigh, looked up at the ceiling, reminded himself that at least Cas had returned, and then followed the angel out. Cas had pulled up a chair at the main table and was just sitting there, staring at the wall across from him. 

"Should we talk?" Dean inquired.

The angel looked at him.

"About?"

_Us_, Dean thought. What he said, however...

"I don't know. It's been a week. I've missed you."

Cas made no reply, returning his gaze to the wall. This time Dean let the sigh out and joined Cas at the table. He was going to keep trying. 

"So, what'd you do this past week?"

"Checking up on me again, are you?"

"Cas, for the love of God, I am trying to make conversation with you and you're biting my damn head off!"

"Then maybe you shouldn't try talking to me, Dean!" 

Both fell into a sour silence where they remained until Sam and Gabe were able to join them...two hours later.

Sam stopped so suddenly upon entering the room Dean and Cas were in that Gabe ended up running into him from behind which, for some reason, caused Gabe to blurt out:

"If you wanted to go another round, babe, all you had to do was ask."

Sam slowly looked at him like _what the fuck? _before returning his attention upon the other pair in the room. The tension was _unbearable_. However, he got the sense that these two would not talk about it any further, and instead decided to focus the group upon the case he had found. The relief was obvious upon the faces of Cas and Dean when neither Sam nor Gabe mentioned anything about their tension. At least the pair were in the same room again.

_Hatsford, Wyoming_

The quartet have been in this city for about two days now, and already the case was turning it into their kind of deal. They spoke with the prison ward first, asking mundane questions about what was going on, did they have any theories, etc. They then spoke with the parole board, same questions. Nobody had any clue as to why a prison that used to do so well with successfully rehabilitating prisoners (all of whom honestly had pretty mild offenses...only one or two had ever harmed another human and even then it wasn't premeditated) was suddenly struggling with prisoner violence. 

Sam immediately picked up upon a pattern: it was always just _one _prisoner at any given time that ever started anything, never more than one, and it seemed to be only the ones who had parole meetings just days away that were expected to go very well. 

The prison, so theorized anyway, did so well because of all the classes offered to the prisoners to better themselves, the ability to exercise whenever they so desired, and the freedom to go wherever they wanted within the prison and outside of it within the fenced in area. It treated the prisoners as people who deserved a second chance rather than lost causes. In other words, it nurtured, in a way. Only when prisoners started things did the guards step in and take them to a separate area for a few hours to calm down and then work out the issues. It'd been running like so for over two decades...why was it suddenly just now failing?

And that's when they decided to investigate the guards. No idea what brought them to that, really, just a feeling Dean had (that Sam rolled his eyes at). Sure enough, though, there was one guard who was relatively new (about five years ago he was hired on, which is when the change started to occur) and in every single instance of the prisoners that had gone bad, this guard had visited moments prior.

The quartet was over at his place now as it was his day off. He was leery at first to let them in, but eventually the quartet managed their way inside. Dean and Cas were the first to enter, followed by Gabe and Sam. As they walked to wherever Harley led them, they encountered a table along one wall of the hallway upon which were pictures of family, keys, and guard gear. Part of that gear was a pair of handcuffs, and all of a sudden Gabe got a brilliant idea; just in the nick of time, too! Dean and Cas had _just _passed those handcuffs and with a snap of Gabe's fingers, those handcuffs were now on the pair, linking them. That wasn't the end of it, but we'll get to that in a minute.

"What the hell?!" Dean exclaimed, looking down at his own wrist, then over to Cas, who was just as intensely confused.

"How did...?" he started.

"Guys, time is of the essence!" Gabe hissed at them as Sam and him passed; this was a failed attempt by Gabe to get them distracted.

"Gabriel," Dean and Cas chorused with annoyance. 

As Dean was about to issue a threat, the person they're investigating, Harley Jeon, looked over at them and commented:

"Aw! I didn't know you two were a couple!" A record scratched in Dean's mind. "This is a safe space, by the way. I love the gays!"

"What?!" Dean asked. He looked at his cuffed hand, then at Cas', visibly separate, and then up into Castiel's eyes which conveyed as much deepening confusion as Dean felt. "What the hell is going on?!"

That's when Sam looked back at them and let out a long:

"Ohhhhh." For he saw what Harley saw: Dean and Cas not in handcuffs but holding hands. Like a couple. The only people who could see the handcuffs were Dean, Cas, and Gabriel. 

Harley, at this point, had disappeared into another room.

"Gabriel, stop time would you?" Sam ordered. Gabe did as requested, not even bothering to hide the smug smile.

Dean went to lunge, forgetting his tether. 

"_OW_, Dean! Damn it!" Cas snarled as he was jerked forward.

In his anger, Dean didn't even bother addressing Cas' concerns.

"Gabriel, what are you playing at?!"

Sam cut in before Gabriel could answer.

"Listen, guys, we need to table this. Harley is our guy, and I'm fairly sure he knows we're onto him. I believe he's trying to make his escape right now." He turned to Dean. "So he's the priority right now, okay? You need to just _deal_. We don't have time. And look, Cas isn't throwing a bitch fit like you are, be more like Cas."

"In case you haven't noticed, Sam, I'm in handcuffs! That's not exactly something to just put off!"

"Guys, I can't hold time much longer," Gabe warned.

"I can't see the handcuffs," Sam said to Dean after giving Gabe a nod of acknowledgment, "so-"

"What do you mean you can't see the handcuffs?!" It was clear as fucking day! "Cas, you can see the handcuffs, right?? Tell me I'm not crazy."

Cas made no reply, further enraging Dean.

Sam opened his mouth to explain what he did see but Gabriel lost his hold on time and a slam in another room alerted them to more pressing matters. 

Harley Jeon had escaped through a side door.

All four took off for the chase. As they ran through the neighborhood after a guy who was surprisingly fast, those that were out and about commented on Cas and Dean holding hands. _Every _single person did this, without fail. It was always the same thing, too:

"Aww! You guys are so cute together!"

Cas remained stoic, but Dean was losing his shit over it. They were not a couple, damn it! He was not gay! He was S T R A I G H T. How many times must he repeat this before the world believed it??

"I WANT THESE FUCKING THINGS OFF ME!" Dean screamed after about the twentieth person made a comment. 

In that exact moment, though not at all related, Sam managed to capture Harley and knock him out. Breathing hard, he stared at the man laying on the pavement.

"How in the hell are you-"

"What in the holy hell is wrong with you, Dean!?!" Cas abrupted. 

Dean was taken aback by this, of course.

"Wh..."

"What is so _wrong _about the idea of people thinking we're a couple?? Is it because they see us as both male? Is that it? Is it your precious toxic masculinity that's taking a hit? It's me, though, isn't it?? What is it about me that has you so loudly protesting us?? Tell me, damn it!"

Dean stammered for a hot second, which only fueled Cas further while Sam, Gabe, and...well...some onlookers...watched with mounting interest and opened mouths.

"Why are you fighting this so fucking much?! I need to know! What is it about me that's so fucking repulsive to you?! Do you even understand what you're doing to me?! Every single fucking time you open your mouth to fight this, I can't help but feel like I'm some sort of hideous monster in your eyes or something! Can you even understand how _painful_ that is?! I've had enough. Tell me why you're acting like this!"

"I. I don't...It's not you." Cas scoffed at this, now staring down at the ground. "I swear it isn't you." Dean felt _horrible _now that the anger had dissipated; he hated that he kept forgetting to take Cas' feelings into consideration. "Cas, you are insanely attractive! It's the idea that I'm into men that's the problem. It...I'm not into men. Look, man, I'm sorry you have feelings for me, but I just. I can't feel the same."

"Can't is a helluva lot different than not feeling them, Dean," Cas told him in a quiet tone that slammed the realization into Dean's mind that he'd just admitted he felt something. Though...it didn't really count, since he'd done so while burying it in some more denial. Braving a look into those blue eyes, he clearly saw once again, all the pain he was inflicting upon the being that really didn't deserve to feel that way.

"Cas...I..."

Sam came over with Gabe in tow carrying their perpetrator. Sam laid a hand upon Cas' shoulder and squeezed sympathetically (Cas appreciated it) as he said to Gabe:

"Let them go."

"But-"

"Gabriel, you are only hurting them, Cas most of all. Give them a fucking break. Let them go."

With a sigh, Gabriel blinked the handcuffs off. Now free, Cas instantly turned to Dean.

"Fuck you, Dean Winchester," he snarled as he slapped the human and disappeared in the blink of an eye.

Dean, beyond overwhelmed, completely confused as yet another a major part of his denial had been chipped away, stood in place staring at the pavement with widened eyes. Somehow being slapped was far worse than being punched. Was it enough to get him to stop acting this way, though? 


	6. The High School Janitor's Closet

So, the group took some time off once they figured out how Harley was affecting the prisoners around him and figured out a way to get him to stop (thanks to a massive complex spell) and it was about a week before they got another case. Or rather, before Sam found one that they couldn’t exactly ignore. Ever-so-tentatively, he coerced the group to investigate. The case was a classic haunting at a high school (we all know how this one will go), with over ten deaths so far. It was safe to say that the ghost was _pissed_. At one or two deaths, sure that was tragic and sad, but it could go ignored (for lack of a better term) but at ten?? This fucking monster needed to be _stopped_.

Sam was sure they could handle it, even if Cas and Dean were back to refusing to talk to each other; well, no, not refusing, not completely. They exchanged small talk in the most painful-to-behold detached manner, each with defenses sky high and miles thick. It truly was pitiful. Gabriel was more desperate than ever, still absolutely clueless that he was the reason they were worse off than before.

Though the pair would talk to each other, if barely, they were notorious about keeping at least five feet of space between them (usually filled with furniture and such if possible), so when they got near the school entrance, Sam immediately noticed that Dean was significantly closer to Cas, and that Cas didn’t seem to mind. At one point shortly after entering the building, he could’ve sworn he’d seen those hands brush together. Neither flinched or yanked their hand away; of course, neither looked at each other either, so Sam wasn’t a hundred percent on if something was happening or if he was just projecting his desires for this...angst...between them to cease.

Anyway…they had a case to investigate.

> > >

Dean was and wasn’t aware that there were changes to how he was feeling towards Cas on this particular day. As they neared the building, he was beginning to find it harder to stay so far away from a being so beautiful. Cas was refusing to look at him but Dean knew that Cas felt whatever he himself was feeling. By the time they got to the door, the five feet of space between them was down to about one. Once inside, they were close enough to brush hands, and Dean moved his ever so slightly just to touch the angel’s, who’s skin (he could swear) was glowing just a little…enough for him to notice up close but not blaringly obvious for anyone else at a distance (almost as if the glow was just for him specifically).

They headed to the principal’s office first to make introductions and to get a better feel for what was going on. As the interview went on, Cas and Gabe grew restless and started wandering the room. Sam and the principal ignored them but Dean, oh he was unable to take his eyes off of Cas, noticing just how perfect and black the angel’s hair was, and how the trench coat fit him so smoothly, flawlessly resting upon glorious shoulders, shoulders Dean wanted to place his hands onto, shoulders that gave way to a smooth, ethereal neck that Dean wanted to bury his face against and trail kisses on.

These thoughts would _not _let him go, and while normally when he had them he put distance between himself and the cause, today he flat out did not want to do that and just…_really_ didn’t care that they were unwanted. Fighting them took up so much energy and it felt great to just let them run loose, to let them go wherever they wanted to take him. For once, he was not going to fight.

> > >

Gabriel cast a sly look over at _Destiel_ as he coined them, barely holding back the smile that wanted out. Sam was suspicious enough of him (okay so that was valid) so that meant being careful but man, oh man, wasn’t it just so gods-damned adorable the way Destiel was finally so close together with neither of them minding it. _This_, he thinks, _this is how they should be_. He’d let the magic play out, let them see once and for all how good the both of them could feel if they’d just _let it be_. He had a good feeling about this one. This might be the one, the one that changed everything.

> > > 

Cas would be lying if he said he wasn’t immensely enjoying the sudden attention Dean was showering upon him. He’d kept his gaze averted from Dean’s, having the feeling that once he looked at those beautiful emerald-colored eyes that he’d never look away; still, he saw Dean staring at him and boy did that send such _thrills_ through him.

He was also suspicious of it. Of course he was. Just _hours _ago the man and him were walking on eggshells around each other because Dean still wouldn’t give in to his feelings. Mostly, though, Cas was just relieved at the change and honestly he was tired of holding Dean at a distance. If Dean wanted to shower him with romantic attention for the first time in fucking forever, Cas was sure as hell gonna take all that he could get before the man came to his senses again (while praying that he never did).

> > > 

So like this, they investigate. It’s clear that things are brewing between the pair and really, is it any surprise when they end up in the janitor’s closet? (This is Gabe’s doing, too, of course. He let those feelings accumulate until _just _the right moment to then shove those two into a very small space and let things unfold; only...he didn't shove so much as suggest they investigate.)

So, the janitor’s closet; Dean went in first, followed by Cas, both of them so lost in their prospective emotional storms that neither noticed the door closing behind them.

Dean turned around and froze as his eyes took in the sight of Cas while his nose took in the wonderful scent of him and his ears were on high alert for any and all noises Cas made. They were close again, physically and emotionally, and it felt _wonderful_. To be free of those barriers, to have nothing holding either back, it felt like flying.

And then Cas said his name in that darned adorable confused tone of his, his voice sounding huskier than usual, sending Dean absolutely spiraling in a matter of seconds. Dean couldn’t help himself. He wanted closer, so he drew closer. Cas’ breathing became quicker; so had his own. He lightly touched Cas’ cheek, marveling at the surprising softness of it. Next, he trailed his fingers lightly down the side of Cas’ face, noticing with mounting pleasure the way Cas’ breath caught then shuddered out, knowing such was completely beyond the angel’s control. They draw closer still (still somehow not completely touching just yet), and Dean finds himself running his thumb along Cas’ lower lip; the lip, he discovered, that was deceptively moist despite it’s dry appearance. Oh, how he longed to feel those lips on his own, to feel those lips on every part of his body.

Dean Winchester, at the thought of Cas trailing kiss down his body, became hard. Closer still he got, the entire world ceasing to exist for him except the being standing before him that he wanted with everything he had. His mind was endlessly envisioning Cas without his clothes, of trailing kisses down Cas’ body, of taking Cas’ hardened member into his mouth and sucking him to an orgasm unlike any the angel had ever felt before (if in fact he’d ever felt one before; Dean suspected that Cas had not).

Their crotches finally touched and Dean could feel (quite easily through the thin fabric of the pants Cas wore) the angel’s own arousal, which only fueled his desires further.

“Cas,” he half-moaned, the words _I want you _on the tip of his tongue. _So close_ to being uttered those words are. Cas leans his face in closer, their lips are just _centimeters _from touching, and he breathes out Dean’s name, eyes beginning to close in preparation for the long-awaited kiss he'd wanted for so many very long years.

Just as Dean is about to finally indulge Cas, the door to the janitor’s closet bursts wide open. Cas jerks backwards in surprise and loses his footing. As Dean scrambles out after him to try to catch him, he only merely manages to lose his balance too, the pair falling to the floor together, Dean on top of Cas, hardness rubbing against hardness. And with eight words, their spell is completely broken.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” Gabe teases, sounding altogether too pleased with himself. Dean is busy staring, with mounting horror, into Castiel’s equally horrified gaze, so neither of them noticed Sam giving Gabriel a look of deep concern and a growing amount of annoyance because Sam _knows _what’s about to happen next. He knows Gabriel has officially gone too far and he dreads the fallout.

It all starts with Dean coming to the realization of what just happened. Normally, he’d be scrambling off of Cas so fast it’d make his own head spin, but now he’s more aware of how upset his denial is making the angel, and despite not wanting to openly admit or allow his feelings, he does wish to stop causing Castiel as much pain as he is able to stop, so he asks the being if he’s alright. At the angel’s confirmation that he is, indeed, okay, Dean carefully gets off of him, and even helps him to his feet. Both of their bodies are still struggling to catch up with the sudden change in mood, but at this moment with the spell over neither of them are focused on that. Both of all their concerns circled around Gabriel, who was not so smug now, having read the room.

Sam goes over to Cas to offer his support and Cas…he really needs it. While he sends a lethal glare his brother’s way, he remains silent, and after he sees his brother has received his silent message, Cas looks down at his feet because he knows it’ll be bad enough hearing what Dean will be saying without having to watch, too. Why he doesn’t leave (he has the power to go anywhere in the world, after all), he doesn’t know.

Dean, to everyone’s surprise, is actually calm for once (well, he is on the outside anyway). And he only says (asks) one thing:

“How?”

Gabe is now well aware of the shit he’s in, Dean can see that, not that it helps calm his fury any. He’s trying his hardest to keep these emotions reigned in, all in an effort to take it easy on the angel. No matter what he says, though, unless he’s admitting his feelings and allowing himself to feel them, he will always be deeply wounding his best friend. He was beyond tired of Gabriel putting him in that position.

“It was a spell I cast," the other angel admits openly, "Sort of. It’s hard to explain, really.”

“For the sake of convenience, let’s just call it a spell so you can get to telling us all that you did.”

“Okay. Well, I cast it, the spell, when we got to the building and it basically just, uh, works off of whatever is there and uh…yeah, I thought it might be good…for you two.” Gabriel cleared his throat. He'd never had a gamble fail quite so miserably.

“Mm-hmm. Okay.” Dean stood there in silence while the room filled with the growing tension of the other three as they waited for whatever he was about to do next. They didn't have to wait long. “Do me a favor, would you?”

“S-sure,” Gabriel stammers as Dean draws close. Oh, he knows Dean is going to hit him, but he hates that he has no idea of _where_ Dean is going to hit him.

“Next time you feel like meddling, do try to remember this:” He shakes out an angel blade and shoves it into Gabriel’s stomach, satisfied at Gabriel’s cry/shout of pain. He then leaves them to go search another part of the school, alone. He needs to be on his own to calm down.

At this point, Gabriel was too preoccupied with the blade and Dean was gone, so Sam was the only one who saw the single tear that ran down each of Castiel’s cheeks. Pity and sympathy overwhelmed him and he hugged the angel to him.

Cas was very close to breaking down entirely. It was only a matter of time.


	7. The Confrontation

The team finished out the hunt in record time but when they got back to the bunker, Sam, Gabriel, and Dean watched as Cas (who’d been dead silent ever since he’d fallen out of the closet) sat at one of the tables in the archive/library room, eyes cast downward on the table. Gabe (and Sam) watch as Dean stares at him for a solid minute before sitting, with a heavy sigh, on the steps that lead into this room. Sam needs only to take one look at Gabe to know: things are far from over.

His realization comes too late to stop what happens next.

> > >

Gabriel, who had been so sure the janitor closet with the spell would work, was beyond annoyed that it, too, had backfired. And by God, he was going to confront the problem head on. Something he believed he should've done in the first place instead of trying to manipulate the stubborn-as-hell pair.

“What in the hell is the matter with you two?!” He yelled out, startling the pair as his voice echoed in the room with its high ceiling.

Cas chose to remain silent but Dean, ooh, he hated being confronted, and so he stood up.

“Hey! _You’re _the one causing problems!!”

Gabe let out an incredulous scoff.

“Causing problems?! Kid, I’m trying to _fix _the problems! You’re being one stubborn big bag of dicks about it! The both of you are!”

“You leave Cas the fuck out of this!”

Gabriel gave him a queer look.

“He’s kind of the main reason I’m doing this, Dean, like…hello?!? Anybody home?!?”

"Gabe, take it easy," Sam warns, taking a single step towards them, ready to get between them should punches start flying.

“Gabriel,” Cas speaks up as he stands, and his voice grows louder as he talks, “things were tolerable before you decided to stick your big fat nose where it doesn’t belong. We have told you time and time again to fucking stop but you won’t! You just keep right on going! You don’t even fucking _see _what this is doing to me!!”

“He’s right," Sam joins in, "you really aren’t seeing all the damage you’re doing.”

Dean whirled on him.

“Oh, _you’re_ one to talk!”

“Me?! Why the hell are you turning on me?! I’m on your side, Dean!”

“Bitch, you’re his fucking boyfriend, why don’t you, oh I don’t know, MAKE HIM STOP if you see what he’s doing to Cas! Some fucking ally you are!”

Cas looked as if he agreed, tiredly so.

Now Sam felt offended.

“I’ll have you two know I have _tried _to get him to stop! You have _no idea_ the energy I’ve expended trying to get him to fucking stop! How in the hell do you even stop an archangel who’s stubborn as hell?? You ever think of that?? Don’t you fucking _dare _put this shit over on me!”

Gabe turned to him now.

“And how dare you for trying to stop me!! I mean, come on, Sam! You see as much as I do how much Cas loves Dean! You’ve seen how he’s pined for him over these years! You know just as well as I do that Dean feels exactly the same but he’s being such a bitch about it!” At this point, he turns back to Dean. “They’re just feelings, you assfuck! Stop fucking fighting them!”

“DON’T YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" Dean explodes. "THINGS WERE PERFECTLY FINE BEFORE YOU DECIDED TO BE A NOSY LITTLE SHIT!”

“GET OVER YOUR STUPID EGO AND JUST GO OUT WITH MY BROTHER ALREADY!”

“GABE, STOP IT!” Cas shouted, chorused by Sam.

All at once, the four of them were screaming at each other. Nothing they said made a lick of sense, most of it not even about the main reason they were fighting in the first place but, hey, sometimes that happens.

About five minutes in, Dean had had enough.

“GABRIEL, FOR THE LAST GOD DAMNED TIME, LEAVE US ALONE! I have tried every fucking way possible to get you to see that just because someone has feelings doesn’t mean they should act on them! I don’t want to feel this way for him! I fucking hate it!”

Sam heard the sharp intake of breath that sounded to his right and looked over at Cas, horrified to see that this...this was the breaking point.

“So stop trying to force me to do something I don’t want to fucking do!" Dean continued, "I’m sorry it hurts him, but you need to fucking leave this alone! OR ELSE.” He left the room in a huff. A few seconds later they heard him slam his bedroom door closed.

Cas make a choking sound and sank to his knees, already blinded by the tears.

“Cas!" Sam ran over to him, falling to his knees beside him as Cas struggled to breathe against the building sobs.

Gabriel tried to come over to help, too, but Sam, sensing his movement, sent him a vicious glare and barked at him to get the fuck out of here and to stay away for a while. Surprisingly, he did so without argument, disappearing through the doorway that lead to the main room.

Sam returned his attention to Cas.

“I…can’t…breathe,” the angel gasped out, shaking horribly while tears streamed down his cheeks and sobs ripped themselves free from his lungs. Sam pulled him more securely into his arms and began to gently rock back and forth.

“Don’t fight it, Cas. Just let it out. Let it all out. Scream if you have to, whatever it takes.”

Cas’ sobs built up into wails (and Sam's heart tore right apart for him) for a solid minute or two before quieting back into sobs again. As Sam held him, shushing him and still rocking, tears of his own welled up and spilled down his cheeks. It was one thing to see a human losing their shit, but something altogether to see a warrior of God losing his shit. It _hurt_. 

Sam had had plenty of breakdowns in his life, he knew how they felt and he knew how to navigate them. So, he navigated the angel through his; it was probably one of the hardest things he’s ever had to do. Part of that was because he knew Cas didn't deserve to feel this way. He didn't deserve to experience this side of human emotions. It was downright cruel what Dean and Gabriel (and by extension himself because he'd failed so miserably to stop either one) were putting this innocent being through. He vowed he was going to have some words with Dean once Cas’ break down passed. Gabriel had been right about one thing: Dean needed to stop fucking fighting this, and needed to see that it was okay for him to have feelings like this for Cas, because if he didn’t, Sam was genuinely worried that the angel was going to do something very stupid, very permanent very soon…like try to take himself out of this life.

And that was the last thing any of them wanted, of that he was sure.

Cas finally became coherent around ten that evening, two hours later. He thanked Sam for his kindness and his sympathy and claimed he just wanted to go to bed. Sam let him go, letting out a breath in a heavy sigh, then inhaling deeply and letting that go, too. Now, it was time to face Dean, whom he found on his bed, headphones on blaring rock music so loud Sam himself could hear it (Dean didn’t care about the possibility of damaging his hearing, claiming he’d be long dead from some monster before his hearing ever went bad), legs stretched out before him and crossed. His eyes were closed and his hands were folded on his stomach. He actually looked peaceful. This triggered the beginning of Sam’s anger. How _dare _he look peaceful after what Sam had just witnessed Cas go through.

Sam looked around for something sturdy to throw at Dean that would most definitely get his attention but not seriously hurt him, and unfortunately the only thing close enough was Dean’s deodorant. Eh, it’d have to do. He tossed it as hard as he could, watching as it Dean square in the forehead, bounced off, and clattered to the floor. Dean’s eyes flew open the moment of contact, filled with anger as he jerked his headphones off and shot a lethal glare his brother’s way.

“What in the hell did you just throw at me?!”

Sam didn’t answer that.

“Got your attention, though, didn’t it?"

“God damn it, you asshole, that _hurt_.”

“Good!”

Bewildered now, Dean demanded an explanation.

“Do you know what I just spent the last two hours doing, Dean?” Sam didn’t wait for his brother to guess (mostly because he knew Dean would come up with the world’s most smartass answer and he was in no god damned mood for that shit). “I was out there consoling _your _best friend. Why was I consoling your best friend? Because he has officially broken thanks to you and my brother being such shitheads!!”

“Oh, spare me the lecture, Sammy! How many times are we going to go around this damn topic?!”

“As many times as it fucking takes, Dean! Do you even _see _what you’re doing to him?!”

“Of course I see it! I’m not fucking blind! He hasn’t been hiding it one bit!”

“Then why the hell do you stay this course?!”

“BECAUSE, SAM, I—”

“THINK FIRST,” Sam hollered at him, “_then _answer!" He took a moment to calm himself. "Just take an actual fucking minute, do some fucking soul searching, and come up with a real reason why you keep doing this!”

Dean huffed out a breath but did as Sam bade. Soon enough, his anger was retracting, and clarity set in.

“I don’t know, Sammy,” Dean said in a small voice, making him seem much younger than his thirty-some years. “I just.” He looked up with pleading eyes. “I swear I don’t know. Because I _do_ feel…that…but every time I try to…to…let it happen, or…uh, accept it, I guess, something else within me that I cannot ignore starts screaming holy hell. And the only way to get it to stop is to deny that I feel anything. But when nobody believes me or lets me off the hook, it only gets louder, so I have to get louder. I…how is he?”

Sam sighed.

“He’s bad, Dean. If you don’t find some way to make peace with your feelings, even if that means not exploring them with him and just finding a way to be okay that you have those feelings, and if Gabriel doesn’t fucking _stop _trying to play matchmaker, I genuinely fear that Cas is going to do something very stupid…to himself.”

Dean’s sharp intake of breath comforted Sam. Yes, Dean did care for the angel; deep down, Dean loved him very much. Would Dean be able to accept that, though?

Sam stood up, overcome with exhaustion, and satisfied to leave the conversation at this place for now.

“I’m going to bed. Probably going to sleep in tomorrow. Just…”

“I know. I will, I swear I will.”

“_Soon_, Dean.”

With that, he bid his brother goodnight and left the room. He paid a visit to Cas for a brief moment, just to check in (Cas was okay now; not great, but he’d make it through another day), and finally made it to his own bed. He passed out on top of the covers without a single thought to brushing his teeth.

Maybe tomorrow would go better.


	8. The Tornado

Tomorrow _started _better. Well, it did for Sam and Gabriel, and truthfully it was alright at first for Cas and Dean even if they spent it in silence. Things were far from resolved and far from okay but today they were…resigned...calm even. And that was enough. Upon seeing this when he and Gabe emerged from their room finally, Sam decided they should go on a little road trip. Dean so enjoyed road trips.

Not so much this time, as it would seem. The older brother pulled him to the side while Gabe went over to converse with Cas.

“Dude, road trip? Bad idea,” Dean hissed at him.

Sam scoffed.

“Please, you love road trips.”

“Correction: I love road trips when everything is fine, especially between me and Cas. Nothing is fine between me and Cas!”

Cas looked over for a split second at the sudden volume in Dean's voice, frowned, and then looked away at the floor, nodding along to whatever Gabriel was saying to him, obviously bothered.

Guilt twisted Dean’s stomach.

“Couldn’t have said that any louder, bud,” Sam commented.

Dean sent a lethal glare his way.

“_So _not helping.”

“Listen, Dean. You and Cas are calm right now, and that’s good. I think this road trip idea could be good.”

“Four people being stuck in a car for an unknown length of time to weather a whole host of problems due to happen all while having some major tension between two of the passengers is _not a good idea_.”

Sam looked surprised for a moment before rolling his eyes.

“It’s going to be fine, Dean. I’m shocked you’ve got some insight into your situation with Cas, though. Normally you’re blind as fuck and stubborn even worse; though you _are _still being stubborn if you aren’t going to talk to him about your feelings.”

“Sam, I said last night that I would, and I will, so back the fuck off!” Dean huffed loud enough for Cas to glance over again. And once again, there was that twist of guilt. “Reminding me every two seconds isn’t going to get me there faster. I need to do this in my own time.”

“Let me remind you, Dean, that ‘in your own time’,” he did quotation marks in the air around the words, “is hurting Cas something awful. I’ve never seen him look more miserable. I understand you want to do this in your own time, I respect that even, but you really can’t afford to.”

Dean let out a groan, rolled his shoulders as a great, heavy agitation settled upon them, and told Sam he’d go on the stupid road trip if that’s what it took to get him to stop bothering him about his damn feelings for a day. His stupid, pestering, relentless feelings.

Sam only _barely_ gave in to this compromise, clearly disapproving.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Dean mumbled under his breath as he followed his brother over to Gabe and Cas.

“I heard that,” Sam called back at him without looking behind him.

Dean stuck his tongue out at him and made a face, which made Gabe almost lose control. What peaked Dean’s interest however was that Cas had also seen and was now smiling at the floor, doing a piss-poor job of hiding it. Dean hadn’t realized, but he had really missed seeing the angel smile like that, or at all, really.

_Soon_, he solemnly swore, looking away just as Cas looked up at him upon sensing his stare. _Soon I’ll tell you. Please just give me more time._

As if hearing those thoughts, Cas let out a little sigh, and focused upon Sam telling them about the road trip. Gabriel was excited, willing to go wherever his lover went. Cas was less than thrilled but agreed begrudgingly, if only because Dean had thought to give it a shot, too.

Soon, they were on their way. They weren’t going to do a major trip. Nothing more than a day out (possibly not even that) and then they’d come home. And it started off alright. Dean insisted on driving; nobody was allowed to drive Baby but him after all (though...there was that _one _time that he let Cas drive, but _only_ because he and Sam were both critically injured). What made it awkward was that Sam and Gabriel wanted to be in the backseat together, which left Cas to sit up front. But Cas was adamant that he not sit up front, and Dean was adamant that Cas not sit up front, either. Sam and Gabriel, who’d been hoping that the pair would spend time together this trip and get to talking, exchanged looks of disappointment before adhering to their wishes (Gabe got in the back with Cas, while Sam joined Dean up front).

(I bet you can guess what happens next.)

Three hours or so later, they reached the Kansas/Colorado border and the tension in the car had suddenly spiked. Nobody knew why, nothing had actually been said or had even happened, maybe it was just restlessness, but Sam knew it was only a matter of minutes before Gabriel decided to step in and explode this whole peace attempt before it had any real chance to take off so he suggested they stop at a rest stop, or take an exit or something. Dean soon found a promising exit off the highway and managed, afterwards, to locate a small, local antique store (the Impala didn’t need gas and nobody wanted anything to eat, they just wanted to stretch their legs). Getting out into the fresh air and being able to walk made everyone feel _loads _better.

They never even got a chance to enter the store to shop.

The sky darkened all of a sudden, and as the team looked up at the sudden formation of clouds, the rain began, quickly followed by thunder and lightning. Cas, having positioned himself near Dean (while Gabe positioned himself near Sam) as soon as the storm clouds had appeared, suddenly noticed movement in the sky just as he was about to drag Dean inside. He tapped Dean on the shoulder (ignoring the way the human jumped as if electrocuted from the touch), pointed to the sky, and began to ask:

“Are those clouds ro—”

That very moment, those clouds formed into a tornado.

“OH, SHIT!” Dean and Sam chorused. They could probably make a run for it in the car but man that tornado seemed _close_ and getting closer far too quickly. Instead of running, while wind, rain, and thunder roared all around them in pure chaos, the team was absolutely frozen in awe and terror at the majestic power Mother Nature could wield.

“HE, MORONS!” a new voice called. “WE HAVE A STORM CELLAR!! COME ON!”

The spell now broken, the quartet ran for their lives as the tornado continued to draw ever closer, gaining size as it did so. Once inside the storm cellar they took a moment to catch their breaths.

“God damn, everyone okay?” The antique owner asked.

Everyone managed to confirm that they were alright. Dean didn’t miss the look of anxious concern from Cas just before he [Dean] answered, neither did he miss the relief that took its place. Cas may be hurt all to hell over Dean's inability to admit he could love someone who was not female, but he still very much cared for him, and that was a very good sign.

“Shit of a thing, you know,” the owner said then.

“What is?” Dean asked him.

“Weather forecast said clear as far as the eye can see for all the rest of the week. There were no fronts building, or storms building, or whatever that weather-jargon is.”

Sam, ever the intellectual in pretty much everything, stepped forward with surprising curiosity and even stronger suspicion.

“Wait, you mean to tell me that the weather station in your area predicted clear skies and sunshine for the rest of the week? With absolutely zero chance of even spotty storms?”

“That’s right, sir.”

Sam turned to Gabriel. “What did you do?”

“Why do you gotta assume it’s me?!”

“Because tornadoes don’t just _randomly form_, Gabriel! And one is raging right outside. It should’ve passed by us but if I’m hearing correctly, it sounds like it’s in exactly the same spot as when we saw it. Tornadoes don’t just sit in place so what the hell are you up to?”

Gabe let the façade drop.

“It’s time Dean tells Cas how he feels and what better way to trap than a tornado that literally stalks you if you try to leave?”

Sam threw his hands up in the air. “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he snarled.

“This was you?” Dean asked, incredulous and wondering why he was even surprised. Cas had gone over to the steps that lead into this cellar, sat down, and buried his face in his arms on his knees. Dean could practically feel the fresh agony Cas had just begun to numb from. He sure felt the immediate guilt response, strong and getting stronger.

Now he was getting angry, but not for him…for Cas. He went over to where Gabriel stood (taking more satisfaction than he should've in the way Gabe flinched from him), grabbed the back of the guy’s neck like a momma cat would her kitten (with his hand not his mouth of course), and dragged Gabriel over to where he’d see Cas more clearly. There, he forced Gabriel to look.

“Do you see that? Do you _see _the pain you’ve just caused your brother?? Do you even fucking care?!”

Cas looked up, eyes burning deep with emotions, a lot of which Dean couldn’t clearly identify.

“He’s not the one causing me all the damn pain, assbutt, _you _are!”

Dean’s grasp on Gabriel slackened as he regarded Cas with some incredulity even though he knew full well that these words were the truth he just didn’t want to deal with. He'd felt that guilt earlier, right? Still felt it; it was continuing to get stronger by the minute.

Cas got up and walked over to him while Sam, Gabe, and the owner backed away to give them as much space as the area would allow.

“_You _already know you’re doing this to me and yet you’re going around blaming everyone but yourself! And that hurts, too, you know, _on top of the rest of it!! _And honestly, I don't know why it is so fucking difficult for you to just say the damn words! You know your feelings, I know your feelings, Sam and Gabe, and now that wonderful owner knows your feelings. Just fucking say it!"

“Cas…I…”

Cas waited with baited breath, hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe, now was the time. Maybe, just maybe, he had finally gotten through when all else had failed.

“I…c…I can't—”

Realizing he was once again a fool to hope, he let out a short scream so wholly inhuman it shattered the bulbs overhead and every glass in the vicinity (to say nothing of the humans’ ears), punched Dean not once, not twice, but three times before he grabbed the human by the shirt collar, eyes glowing bright blue, and said in a tone full of supernatural rage:

“It would be _so easy _to smite the ever living shit out of you right now, you useless, evil, cruel, stupid fucknugget!”

“So why don’t you?!" Dean hollered at him. "You hate me that much, why don’t you just fucking get it over with?! Get me out of your life if you’re so _fucking miserable!” _

Sam stepped forward in a panic to try to talk Cas out of taking Dean up on his truly stupid, bull-headed offer (he sent a vicious glare Dean’s way as he did so) but Gabe held him back with a hand on his chest and assured him in a whisper that Cas would never harm Dean like that. Cas was just not used to feeling such strong negative human emotions and he didn’t know how to process them.

As if a switch was flipped, all the rage left Cas, which was so much worse, Dean realized; watching that light, all light, fade from the angel's eyes.

“Because I can’t, and you know that I can’t. What I _can_ do is get as far away from _you _as is possible. I’m fucking done with you, Dean Winchester. I wish I’d never met you. You’ve been nothing but a burden.” At this, he tossed Dean across the room and disappeared in the blink of an eye.

It took Dean precisely one second to realize what he’d just done, to process what this truly meant.

All the air left his lungs.

Cas was gone.


	9. The Hallucination

“How’s he doing?” Gabe asked Sam upon entering their bedroom. Sam, laying on the bed propped up against the wall, legs spread out before him and crossed at the ankles, with a book in his hands that he was having too much trouble focusing on, welcomed the intrusion. He looked up with a sigh and a glance towards the door he could see across the hall through this room's doorway.

“He’s starting to get it, I think, but I’ve never seen him so…”

“Depressed?” Gabe offered, joining his lover on the bed. He snuck in a kiss before Sam could answer, enjoying the momentary smile that crossed Sam’s face; it’d been too long since he’d seen it.

Sam shook his head, though.

“No…that’s…not the right word. It’s close, but…I think…_lost_ is a better term.”

Gabe understood.

“He’s never been without the angel, has he?”

Sam cast another worried glance at his brother’s room, from which faint rock music could be heard playing.

“And therein is the problem. He’s taken Cas for granted.” Now, maybe, just maybe, he’d come to his damn senses and just give in already.

> > >

_Please, Cas. Come back. It’s been three weeks. Can you hear this?? I am begging you, I'll get on my damn knees if I have to, **please return home**. I’m so worried about you. I ne…I wa…Just come back! Please?? We'll talk, I swear we will! _

Cas closed his eyes as fresh tears threatened. He’d done enough of the stupid crying thing ever since he’d left. It didn’t help one bit that he couldn’t turn off Dean’s prayers the way he’d been able to with Sam and Gabe. That stupid _Profound Bond _acted as a deterrent or something, he didn’t really know. All he did know was that his heart was a non-stop torture fest of pain and agony and no matter what he did, it would not go away. Hearing Dean’s voice every day did nothing to help.

Sitting at another bar in another town, Cas tossed back his fiftieth shot of whiskey, no longer feeling the burn over the anguish in his heart. Alcohol never worked on him, not in any amount the bars could offer him anyway, nor could he get the courage to leave this world for good which _might _end his pain (more likely it would just follow him back to Heaven since apparently God wasn’t letting him stay dead). There was nothing he could do except sit and suffer in silence, staying as far away from the Winchesters as he could get.

> > >

Dean the next morning came out of his bedroom fully dressed with a spring in his step. Sam, eating breakfast in the kitchen, looked up upon his brother’s lively entrance, and nearly choked with surprise. Just last night the guy was buried deep into his music and acting like his whole world hadn't imploded, like he wasn't actually two seconds from crying.

Now he was fine? No, something was up.

“Morning, Sammy!” Dean said cheerfully, practically skipping to the coffee pot wherein just one more cup remained.

“Dean,” Sam said with great suspicion. “You seem, er, different.”

“Yup. I am. Know why?”

_Please don’t say you’re over him, please don’t say you’re over him, that’s a lie and we both know it, please—_

“—find him,” Dean’s voice cut in.

Sam blinked back to reality.

“What?”

His brother cast him a _where the fuck are **you **today _look.

“I said: I’m gonna find him.”

“Find…who…” the connection finally clicked in his brain, “Wait, Cas?! You’re gonna go find Cas?!”

“Yup! Fucker thinks he can just run away? I don’t think so.”

_Ah_, Sam realized with a sinking heart, Dean was still in Denial. It wasn’t Cas who was running away, not really. It was Dean.

It’d always been Dean.

_Why _was it taking him so fucking long to realize this?!

“How do you propose you find him?” Sam asked instead of saying what he really wanted to say. After all, he'd already done so, and it hadn't made a damned bit of difference.

“Gabe can get a fix on him, on his grace actually, real easy.”

Sam sensed a being behind him and went to look, none surprised to see Gabe, also ready to go.

“I thought I told you to stop interfering." This he hadn't been able to help saying, even though it also did nothing.

“I also want to find my brother, Sam. It has nothing to do with anything else.”

_That’s such bullshit and you know it,_ Sam thought at him.

Gabe made a face at him and went over to Dean.

“Ready to go?”

“Lead the way,” Dean chirped, giving Sam a hearty wave before following the angel out of the room.

Sam heaved a sigh. He might as well go with, if only so Cas had _someone _on his side supporting him.

“Wait up, you two!”

He didn’t like the way they laughed, as if they knew he’d be coming along. He was starting to resent the pair for what they were doing to Cas. Why wouldn’t either of them _see?_

Why were they both so fucking selfish??

> > >

Cas was in another bar in the same state as before, though he couldn’t precisely remember the state. All he registered was that it was cold. Snow may be on its way. Considering that it was almost January, that made sense. Once again, he was listening to Dean drone on.

“Cas.” That one sounded oddly…close. He ignored it, just like the rest, and chugged another shot down the hatch.

“Cas, please.”

Again, it was close.

“Cas, I’m here, please turn around.”

Realization Dawning, Cas whirled without setting down his glass first, and upon the sight of Dean, he dropped the glass he’d been holding.

“God damn it, man!” The bartender bitched. “Those things are expensive!”

Cas miracled a new one onto the counter, and two more for good measure, all without looking away from Dean whom, as he hated to admit, was a sight for very sore eyes (he’d missed the guy so much, it’d been unbearable).

The bartender grumbled about _damn angels _as he begrudgingly accepted the new glasses and moved away to another customer.

“How’d you find me?”

“Your brother.”

Cas closed his eyes as he swore in his mind. He’d forgotten to block other angels from finding him. Although…Gabe was an archangel, it might not have worked for him anyway. Cas attempted a steadying breath, and when he opened his eyes again, discovered Dean was gone. His heart let out a wail…had he imagined Dean had been here?

Then he heard.

> > >

While Cas reacted, the bartender caught Dean’s attention just as Dean was deciding he wanted a drink, so he went over to the bar just as the guy asked what he wanted. It was a perfect synchronization between the two strangers.

“Shot of whiskey would be great.”

Dean missed the twinkle in the guy’s eye as he said _coming right up_. Soon enough he was taking that shot and then he turned around to face Cas.

All at once it was just him and Cas alone, truly alone. He set the glass down on the bar as a mutually favorite song of theirs started playing on a jukebox he wasn’t aware this bar had owned. Cas Feels It too Dean can tell as he nears and maneuvers the angel into a slow dance, mildly surprised when the angel doesn’t fight him. Pleased when the angel moves with him fluidly, like two perfect pieces of a puzzle that belonged together.

“Dean,” Cas half-sighs, melting every fiber in his body. It’s just the kind of contented noise he’s always wanted to hear from the angel. He pulls him in closer, and realizes the one thing he’s never given the angel in all this time: an apology.

“I’m sorry, Cas. I truly am. I am the way I am, though this doesn’t excuse what I’ve been doing to you, because of my father. I was raised a certain way. I was raised to be strong at all costs, to have no weaknesses, mostly for keeping Sammy safe. Sammy was just a baby, see, Sammy needed protecting. Dad couldn’t do it on his own. I’ve spent my whole life listening to my father tell me what made a man strong and what made a man a sissy. Feelings, emotions, they made a man weak. And we just couldn't afford weakness, not with Sammy being so young 'n all. All my life, Cas, that’s what I’ve heard: that to feel was to be weak. To cry was to be a pussy. I was shamed every time I expressed any emotions whatsoever. I was there to keep Sam safe, that was It. Emotions had no part in that.

“Along with that, liking men while being a man was another shameful thing. I made the mistake once of expressing an interest in a boy when I was in high school. My father beat me for it. So I always buried that side of me, and it was easy. Women were plentiful, they practically flocked to me. It was no issue at all to ignore that other side of me. Until you came along. I don’t know what the hell it is about you but all of a sudden, feelings I’ve never felt before, even for a woman, are suddenly swirling around inside of me, so strong, so forceful. I tried to ignore them but they only get louder when I do.

“These feelings are confusing me, Cas. I’ve never…well, I’ve already said that I’ve never felt them before. And I see now what that’s been doing to you, someone who’s free to feel this way for someone like me. Well, maybe it’s complicated for an angel to love a human and I’m sorry if I’ve invalidated that in any way. Listen.” Dean took a breath, randomly surprised by his impromptu rambling. He could never had talked this much even if he'd planned it. “I’m real sorry, Cas. I truly am. I see your pain. I see it, I do. I see what I’ve done. And I wish like hell that I could just give you want you want. That I could let go. And be all that you deserve to have.

“All I can give you is a promise that I’m going to try to work real hard to be okay with these feelings, to accept them and find a way to make it work so that it doesn’t hurt you. I don’t know, honestly, if I’ll ever be able to…have a relationship…with you…like that, but I…I can try harder to not fight them so much. I miss having you around. You’ve always been my best friend and I need you.”

> > > 

Cas had been listening to all of this with awe and wonder and, yes, some tears while his head rested over Dean’s shoulder. For the first time in _years_, some of his pain started to ebb. While it absolutely sucked that Dean wouldn’t date him, the apology was a start. Hell, it was everything he’d needed to hear these days.

When he pulled back to accept Dean’s apology, something unexpected occurred: their gazes locked, and then they were leaning in. He closed his eyes just as the hunter’s lips touched his.

> > > 

Dean hadn’t intended to kiss the angel at all, but something about meeting his gaze just…he couldn’t help himself. He needed those lips on his, completely forgetting about his inhibitions about such things. Closing his eyes just as his lips brushed Cas’…

“Dean!” Sam exclaimed. _Oh, talk about bad timing._

In that split second, everything was shattered.

> > >

Sam walked into the bar after it’d been _far too long _of waiting for the pair to come out. Gabe was God Knows Where. Anyways, he stopped short upon seeing Dean and Cas Just About To Kiss. Though his heart knew it was _so not the time _to interrupt, he found himself blurting out Dean’s name, which subsequently startled the bartender into dropping the glass that Dean had taken a shot of whiskey from. Upon that glass shattering, Dean jerked away from Cas looking Very Confused.

And Sam suddenly _knew._ He knew where Gabe had gone. He knew what had just happened. Well, he could guess, anyway.

“Show yourself,” he barked at the bartender. Any normal human would’ve been confused as hell, but this guy, he just let out a heavy sigh and was soon back to being Gabe.

“God damn it,” Sam snarled. Gabe just wouldn’t stop, would he?!

“They were so close, Sam!” Gabe hissed at him, suddenly appearing by his side. Sam turned to him, full of anger.

“It wasn’t fucking real, you asshole! You keep playing with their emotions! Forcing them to act before they’re ready! And you wonder why they’re not coming together??? YOU KEEP INTERVENING!” Sam brushed his way past, unable to stand seeing Cas having another break, unable to handle Dean so vehemently in denial. He was sick to death of it all, sick to death of being so fucking helpless to aid them.

Gabe followed him out, explaining the situation anyway.

> > >

Dean remembered everything he’d said, though he no longer felt so openly about those words. He knew Cas could see it, hated himself for seeing the flare of fresh pain now in the angel’s eyes.

“I’m sorry, Cas,” he murmured.

“Sorry isn’t enough, Dean.” He started towards the doorway.

“Where are you going?!” Dean asked in a panic, running after him. “Cas please don’t leave again!”

Cas whirled.

“And why not, Dean?! I’m sorry that you can’t handle being on your own but maybe if you took your head out of your ass for a god damned second, you’d see how much it is killing me being around you! We keep having these fucking false starts and _I can’t take it anymore!_”

“I meant what I said in there, Cas! I need time to work these feelings out! I hate myself for what I’m doing to you, what I keep doing to you! But I can’t do this without you here! I don’t know what the hell happened in there, but I swear to God if I’d had any realization that something was up, I’d not have lead you on like that! Gabe did something!”

“I _know_ Gabe did something. Gabe always does something. That’s not the fucking point. You had no control in there, fine, I got that, but you _do _have control now and you’re not doing a damned thing different!”

“What do you want me to do?!”

“STOP FIGHTING THE FEELINGS, YOU DUMBASS!”

Silence settled between them as the weight of the words finally cut through the haze in Dean’s brain. He moved in close, trying not to let it get to him the way Cas tried to lean back away from him before stopping himself.

“Listen,” Dean said softly, “I will try. I swear to God, to the Universe, to your sanity and the status of your heart, I swear I will try. Please, Cas. Please don’t leave. Not again.”

Cas let out a sigh. “Fine, Dean. Fine, alright? Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

“Cas…”

“I need some fucking space, Dean!” He snapped. “I’ll return to the bunker by tomorrow morning, alright? _Let me go_.”

Dean stepped back, heart fracturing as Cas once more disappeared. God what a fucking mess this whole thing was. Why was it so hard for him to just accept the feelings? He logically knew there was nothing wrong with having romantic feelings for another guy, and yet there was this damn wall in his mind (or was it his heart?) that just would not go away, would not let him let go and give Cas the very love the angel deserved to have.

There was one thing he needed to know, though, one thing only Gabe could answer. As he went over, he noticed Gabe starting to slide behind Sam in an attempt to hide (as if that’d stop Dean any) and found himself feeling amused by the fact. He was even more amused when Sam realized what Gabe was doing and with an exasperated _oh for fuck’s sake, Gabriel, _he moved to the side and back a step, catching Gabe as he tried again to get behind him for protection. By this point, Dean had reached them, and Gabe had decided to accept his fate.

“Alright,” he said with deep resignation as he took a step forward and closed his eyes, “do your worst.”

“Actually Gabe, I’m too worn out to bust your ass, even though that’s so what you deserve. I just want to know what the fuck that was in there.”

Gabe opened one eye, then another, glanced at Sam with anxiety before finally accepting that Dean really wasn’t going to kick his ass this time.

“Oh. That. Well, the glass I gave you was made with an eons-old specialized crystal with the power to make the person see their heart’s true desire. Normally it’s just a hallucination of that person, but this time because your heart’s true desire was already in the room, as was his, it took things to a different level, causing you two to believe you were alone, and removing your own inhibitions. Hence the dance, and the almost kiss that,” he sent a look Sam’s way, “Sam here interrupted.”

“It’s a good thing I did,” Sam shot back, gaze dark with anger, “because Cas is on the brink of being destroyed and the last thing he needs is a kiss Dean didn’t truly mean to give him.”

As they launched into an argument, Dean cast a glance towards the bar. Nobody could know that the kiss he’d almost given Cas was absolutely something he himself had meant to give, still wanted to give actually, if only he could just get over this damn wall.


	10. The Liquor Store

He tried, he really tried. Honest! He really, really did. Cas came home the next morning like he’d said he would which gave Dean the faith he needed to make the change he knew that Cas so deserved.

He lasted two days.

On the third, after waking up, he walked into the kitchen and saw Cas standing there making coffee, anticipating his needs. Three little words burned so hot on Dean's tongue he actually opened his mouth to say them but then Cas turned, having heard him, and suddenly Dean was frozen, absolutely frozen. His mouth closed too late and he saw that Cas had seen that he was about to say something. He saw the spark of hope once more die out when he remained silent. He saw the openness Cas had exhibited towards him begin to close again. He knew the way to fix all of that and still, he stood, petrified, wanting to say the words and just so unable to. To his growing embarrassment, all he managed was a weak:

“Morning, Cas.”

And watched as those words tore down the last of the new faith Cas had reluctantly let himself feel.

“Dean,” Cas greeted in a tone so devoid of emotion it made Dean feel like tearing his brain out and screaming bloody murder at it being such a hindering piece of shit. Why was it so hard to say the words both of them knew he felt? It was never a question of feeling them, surely Cas knew that!

_It’s not a matter of feeling them, dumbass, _a voice thought in his head, _it’s a matter of being able to share such vulnerability with the one for whom you feel. _

Dean sighed internally. Therein was his problem. His father had conditioned him to never, ever be vulnerable. It was just an excuse but still, fighting such life-long conditioning wasn’t _easy_, alright? It was difficult, it was painful, and it was downright terrifying because as cruel as it was to condition his eldest like that, John Winchester had had a point. Dean had always felt stronger when he kept his emotions buried; he felt he could take on anything. Never before had such a thing cost him anything.

Now, it was costing him everything.

“I really want to, Cas,” he stated just as Cas was about to pass through the door.

Cas paused long enough to say:

“But you didn’t, Dean. _That’s _the point. You didn’t. You can want to all you want, but at the end of the day, you still don’t.”

“Where are you going?” Dean called after him, running to the doorway to watch him walk down the hall.

“Out!” Cas barked back at him. “And don’t you try to find me!”

“Are you—?”

“Leave me alone, Dean!” He disappeared around a corner. Dean wanted to chase after him to…to what? Plead with him? Beg him to stay? Ask him to give him another chance? The angel had given him thousands of chances and he had squandered every single one of them. The fact simply was that he wasn’t going to be able to keep Cas around until he said those words.

Just how long would that take, now that he knew this, was the question.

> > >

Sam and Gabriel were also not speaking. Gabriel had tried again and again to get Sam to acknowledge him but Sam was, when he wanted to be, far more stubborn than Dean and Cas put together.

He [Sam] was _pissed_. More than pissed, actually, although he couldn’t come up with a word that described perfectly how he was feeling towards his lover, and his brother for that matter, at the moment. There was nothing worse than when you’re trying to help those you love with advice you _know _they would greatly benefit from only to watch them ignore you and light their lives on fucking fire while you stand helplessly by with a hose that doesn’t even work.

“P-l-l-l-e-e-e-a-a-a-a-s-s-s-s-e-e-e-e,” Gabriel begged, sounding much like a five year old toddler not getting his way. He was on his knees before Sam who sat on a couch in the rec room (this place had two, this one and the one Dean turned into his…what’d he call it? He couldn't remember.) To an outsider passing by this room, it might look as if Gabriel was about to give Sam a blowjob. Gabriel might try that, actually. Sam could see the idea floating around Gabriel’s mind, just about. The angel had his hands firmly on Sam’s thighs already. It’d be too easy to move one of those hands and…

No. Sam would not let him…no matter how good Gabe was at blowjobs (no, for real, Gabe was the fucking master—pun not intended—at them).

Before Sam could ironically speak to tell Gabe that he was not talking to him, his cell phone rang. He picked up, and a second later bolted straight up in his seat.

_“Hi, this is the Kansas City police. We got a call about a disturbance at one of the liquor shops nearby. It’s closed for the day but people saw someone inside trashing the place and uh the guy, wearing a trench coat, which is just weird, who wears trench coats these days anyway? He was pissing and moaning about someone named Gabriel and someone else named Dean and that you, Sam, were the only one on his side. We questioned who these people were, he barked at us, very drunk by the way, to call you to see. Shouted out your number. Then…” a chuckle full of disbelief sounded, “he downed ten bottles of booze in less than a minute. That guy should be dead.”_

Sam closed his eyes. Cas had done it again. Cas had drunk another liquor store…or, most of it…whatever he hadn’t trashed, anyway.

“I’ll be there as soon as possible,” Sam said, hanging up. Gabriel was standing now, looking concerned.

“What happened?”

Sam heaved a sigh as he stood up. “Your brother broke, Gabriel. Flew to Kansas City, found a liquor store and trashed the place, it seems. Dunno how much he’s had to drink of it but yeah, we need to get over there, _now_.”

_And maybe, just maybe you’ll see the damage you are doing to him, _Sam thought as Gabriel followed him outside.

At the liquor store there was too many people milling about, watching the guy inside surviving impossible odds. Carefully making his way in among all the broken glass and cringing when he heard Cas break another one, Sam called out to him.

“Cas, where you at, buddy?!”

“Sam!” Cas peeked out around the end of the middle aisle. A brief smile warmed his face before disappearing when he saw who had joined Sam. “Oh, you.”

Sam turned, saw Gabriel, and felt fresh annoyance surge all over again.

“Gabriel, get the fuck out of here! You are the _last thing _this situation needs!”

Gabe stared at him, completely insulted.

“Excuse you, mere human, but that happens to be _my brother_.”

“Yeah? Well right now I’m his only friend. I’m the only one he likes. So how about you go out THERE," he mentioned to the crowd outside, "and fix things! Those people’s minds need erasing and this place needs cleaning up.”

Gabe didn’t move.

Only one thing would get him to do so.

“Gabriel, so help me, if you don’t fucking leave right this fucking minute I swear I will never, ever, have sex with you ever again.”

Gabe could tell with a single look that Sam was dead-serious about that. He whirled on his heels, broken glass crunching underneath, and strode on out of there. Sam caught himself smiling despite the annoyance. That threat never failed to work, which was always a major ego boost.

Anyway, more important matters at hand, such as a very, very drunk Cas still trying to finish up the store.

“Cas, buddy, you still with us?”

“Sam! Hi!” Cas stumbled and slipped (and fell a couple of times) his way over to Sam, hiccupping once upon arrival.

“You found a liquor store, I see,” Sam said.

“Yeah. And?”

“And you…trashed it?”

“Drank the bottles first then broke em. Well. Some slipped from my grasp first. Lucky bastards.”

“Cas, you need to go home.”

“Fuck you, Sam Winchester!”

“Hey! That’s my job!” Gabriel called into the store.

“GABE!” Sam roared back at him as he felt Cas slip from his control. “Cas, Cas, hold up.” He grasped one of Cas’ arms. In any other situation, that’d be utterly useless. “Ignore your brother. Listen to me. I know what Dean is doing is aggravating as hell. But—”

“He almost said it today,” Cas interrupted, followed by another hiccup; he wavered unsteadily on his feet, though his words were crystal clear, “he almost said the words, Sam. Actually opened his mouth to say them, but the moment I looked at him, he changed his mind. He always changes his mind.” Cas eyed a nearby bottle of brandy and went to reach for it. Sam knocked the hand away.

“No more booze, Cas.”

“Why the _fuck _not?!” He tossed Sam to the side and went after the booze he wanted. Gabe, having been on high alert for this kind of thing, rushed inside just in time to catch Sam before the very-fragile human slammed against a wall of very breakable glass bottles. Unfortunately, momentum had him falling backwards into it anyway. He used his wings to protect his beloved from the bottles that fell upon them. Once it was over, he carefully withdrew the wings and anxiously checked over Sam.

“I’m fine,” Sam assured him, looking a bit dazed. “But, uhm,” his anger had weakened in the moment, seeing the love Gabe held for him outshining everything else, “thank you.”

Gabe managed a weak smile.

“Can’t have my favorite human getting hurt.”

Sam rolled his eyes, but felt his heart glow.

“Shut up,” he muttered.

“You’re really okay?”

Seeking to assure his equally-beloved (despite being annoyed with him about Cas), Sam placed a hand on Gabe’s cheek and kissed him, feeling the familiar warmth spread throughout him as their lips touched. _God_ he loved that every time.

“I’m fine,” he murmured afterwards.

Gabe stole another kiss before finally letting him go.

“If I may, I can sober him up so we can get him home,” he offered then.

Sam, still too spooked by the close call with getting seriously injured, merely nodded. He wanted to get home. He was getting worried about Dean now.

“Gabe?” Cas asked, sounding confused. Sam looked over at them, saw Cas no longer weaving, his expression cleared up once more.

“Hey, lil bro,” Gabe said, patting Cas on the arm. “Welcome back.”

Cas looked at the ruins around him, then spotted Sam against one of the walls, broken bottles around him and liquid soaked into his clothes.

He remembered.

“Oh, shit, Sam! I am sorry! I…I…” he looked around again, becoming more horrified. Suddenly he looked at Gabe, realizing _he'd threatened the well-being of his** archangel brother'**s boyfriend_. “I swear I didn’t mean to toss him.”

“Yeah, well, ya did, kiddo.”

Sam got to his feet _carefully_, and walked over to them.

“I’m fine, Cas. Gabe, listen to me, I am fine. Let it go.”

Gabe held up his hands to signify peace. “I’ve forgiven him. He was drunk. Accidents happen. It’s alright.”

Sam knew that if something had happened to him, if Gabe hadn’t gotten to him in time, Gabe would’ve been singing a much different tune. As it was, he was okay, and he decided it was best they all get on home now.

Both agreed. Gabe and Cas miracled the liquor back to its original state, then miracled away the memories of everyone who’d seen it all, careful not to erase memories they had before Cas showed up. Then they went home.

> > >

Dean, who had discovered that not only was Cas gone, but so was Sam and Gabe, and also that Sam had left behind his cell phone, was just about to storm on out of there and…and what? Search the entire fucking planet all by himself?! There was no telling where the fuck they’d gone! Still, he had to try. He had a _bad _feeling and—

The door opened, momentarily filling the main room with the squeals of the hinges that he’d promised to oil at some point. Dean looked up, relief flooding him as not only Gabe and Sam made their way down the stairs, Cas did too.

Once they were in the room, Dean without thinking ran over to Cas and grabbed him in a hug.

“I was so fucking worried.”

Cas was stiff (no, not like that) in Dean’s embrace and did not hug him back.

“I’m fine, Dean,” he said in a tone that stated very clearly: _please stop hugging me_.

Dean released the angel, knowing he deserved this and still feeling rejected. Instead of commenting on it, he turned to Sam and Gabe to demand an explanation. What he saw stopped him cold. Gabe staring at Sam with total adoration while Sam was checking himself over once again. Then he looked up, saw Gabe’s expression, and smiled back, now sharing that look of affection.

_That freedom_, Dean thought as the pair came together for a kiss that very clearly stated _I love you_. 

He looked at Cas whom he discovered was studying him. How badly he wanted to say those words to him, to kiss him like that, to be with him. Once more, the words were there.

Once more all that came out was:

“Are you okay, though?”

Cas huffed and walked away, his huff causing the other two to break apart. Well, no, causing Sam to pull away because he knew Dean had just once again fucked up.

“Dude, seriously?” Sam berated.

“I can’t help it!” Dean snapped. “You never had dad down your fucking throat about this kind of thing, Sam! You have _no idea_ what it’s like hearing his lectures in your mind the very second you feel something!”

“Dean, stop hiding behind dad, man the fuck up, and fucking say the words you know are in your heart! I know dad fucked you up but he isn’t here anymore! You can fight this! I’m glad you’ve started to accept that you love Cas, but for the love of fucking God, it should not be this difficult to tell him that!”

And yet…it was.

Dean walked off, too, without another word. He knew: he was running out of time.


	11. Fate Strikes, Part One

_It started as a harmless cruise, _Dean thought, _how in the hell did it end up like this??_

And yet, he liked it. He liked it a lot.

**That morning:**

“Alright!” Sam declared, clapping his hands together. Dean and Cas, both on edge, nearly fell out of their seats while Gabe, who’d been dozing, startled awake, looked around wildly for a second, realized what had happened and let out an aggravated huff as he repositioned himself into a more comfortable spot.

Dean casually (okay, not so casually) glanced over at Cas who looked away; it was obvious he’d been staring.

_I want to tell you_, he thinks at the angel. The words are always right there the moment he sees Cas at any given moment. The urge to say them is always there. When the opportunities arise for him to actually speak, he always chickens out. It’s been a couple of days of this and he himself is tired of his actions. He could only imagine what it must be like for Cas.

He was still stuck, though, and worried that no amount of self-realization was going to help him. 

“Dean!” Sam’s voice cuts in, ripping Dean back to reality.

“Yeah Sam?”

“Pay attention! I’m not repeating this again.”

Dean so badly wanted to retort with sarcasm but instead just kept his mouth shut (he was good at that, after all) and nodded at his brother, who went on to explain about the haunted cruise ship he’d discovered while perusing the internet.

Dean didn’t believe it for a second. A haunted cruise ship? Please! It was obviously some tourist trap shit. Sam should’ve known better.

Still, he didn’t want to embarrass his brother so he kept his mouth firmly closed, feigning interest. Sam, knowing his brother, of course, saw right through all of this and approached him afterwards.

“Listen, thank you for not embarrassing me in front of the other two but I know what you’re thinking and you’re wrong.”

Dean looked into his brother’s eyes and saw nothing hidden there, meaning that Sam really believed this cruise ship was haunted.

“Sam, kiddo—”

“Dean, don’t. It can’t hurt to check it out. How many times have we scoffed at something and passed it by only to read in the news later about the mysterious deaths. How many times have we been buried in guilt because we could’ve done something and didn’t? Yeah, this seems like a floozy, but you know what? Our pattern of hit-or-miss stops now. We’re going. If it is something, great, we’ll deal with it.”

“If not, hey a vacation!” Dean jokes.

**Little does he know, though.**

Sam rolled his eyes and went off to pack. Dean glanced at Cas only to discover that Cas had left the room. He felt disappointed.

_Oh man up, _he thinks to himself as he gets up and heads to his room, _you’re honestly like a teenager right now. You’ll see him later. _

And still the disappointment lingered.

He rolled his shoulders and continued forward. It was the only way.

They were on the cruise by ten in the morning, which set sail thirty minutes after that. It took them about ten minutes to figure out that there was no real haunting on this boat. The “haunting” was one of those murder mystery theater thingies tourists so loved to participate in. They met on the pool deck where the music and other conversations would mask their own.

“I _told _you so, Sam!” Dean, very annoyed by this situation they're now in, goads at his younger brother.

“And I told you, Dean, it’s better to have checked it out and have it be nothing than to not have checked it out and watch as more die that we could’ve saved.”

“Yes, but now we’re stuck on here, Sam,” Cas said, albeit gently. Sam was still the only one he wasn’t pissed with.

Dean mentioned to the angel.

“Exactly! We’re stuck on this god forsaken wreckage-waiting-to-happen!”

Some people overheard and cast uneasy looks their way.

“Oh, no, we’re not talking about this ship!” Sam called out, waving oh-so-awkwardly at them. They didn’t believe him but did move further away from them. Sam glared at his brother. “Nice going, dimbus.”

“_You’re _the dimbus!”

“At least I can tell my boyfriend I love him!” Sam shot at him.

Dean’s sharp intake of breath at the low blow was followed by an even louder, awkward silence.

“Okay, you two,” Gabe stepped in between them while Cas stared out at the ocean around them, clearly miserable. “Take a breather. Take some time apart. Okay? Sam, come on. I think the observation deck is above us, let’s go take a look-see.” He hauled Sam away from Dean who was now watching Cas watch the ocean.

Cas looked at him so suddenly that, in his surprise, Dean flicked his gaze to the floor. Berating himself for the automatic reaction, he looked back at Cas in the next second, only to see that Cas had gone.

His heart sank.

“God, Cas, I’m sorry.” 

“Behind you,” Cas said then. Dean whirled and, sure enough, there he was.

“Cas, what—”

“I wanted to see what you’d do. It’s an improvement.”

There it was; Dean could see a part of Cas had thawed towards him. It was filled with love, that part. He could only imagine what the rest of it would be like.

Once more, the words were on his tongue.

Once more, well…you know the drill.

“You have until tonight, Dean. If you really want to tell me the words, then tell me. Though, honestly, at this point it may not help any at all since you’ve taken far too long.”

“Don’t you think I know that?! This isn’t _easy_, Cas!”

“It shouldn’t be _this_ difficult, Dean! No. You know what. This is a vacation for everyone else. Might as well take it as one for ourselves since we’re stuck here.”

“Can’t _you_ fly off?”

“I tried. Something prevents me from doing so.”

Dean’s mind started going into overdrive as he studied his surroundings. Maybe there was something supernatural on this boat after all. As he looked back at Cas to share his theory, Cas was gone again.

“God damn it, Cas, stop doing that!”

He heard a very faint chuckle, knew it was him, and discovered that he was smiling despite himself.

“Fuck you, Cas,” he muttered, answered with another ghostly chuckle.

_I love you, _he thought. He could feel it in his bones that he'd soon be able to finally say those words. Soon.

For now, he was going to try to discover what was going on that prevented angels from leaving.

> > >

Gabe and Sam had gone their separate ways, too, for a while, Sam wanting to be alone to calm down. Gabe took the opportunity to explore and found his way into a bar. Excited, he started to take in everything the room offered, but only got to the bar itself before he was stopped cold by a face only an angel could know.

That same being recognized him for what he was and appeared alarmed.

“No! You weren’t supposed to come in here!”

Gabe regarded the being with a look.

“Then why was the door unlocked?”

The being granted him a look of annoyance. “Because the sigil is strong enough to keep out an ordinary angel, but there’s no sigil strong enough to keep out an archangel. I meant I was hoping you’d stick with Sam, for whom I have set up tons of distractions.”

Gabe narrowed his eyes with suspicion.

“Why would you want to keep angels ou…”

Suddenly, he understood.

“Wait, does that mean—”

The being snapped their fingers and Gabe’s mouth closed; he could not open it himself in the least.

“You will not get in the way this time, Gabe. You are correct, but they won’t find out until later so keep your mouth shut, got it???”

Eyes alight with excitement, Gabe nodded eagerly, solemnly swearing to keep his mouth closed indeed.

“Good. Now,” with another snap of the fingers, Gabe’s mouth was freed, “what can I get you?”

> > >

Dean found his way to the observation deck (Sam had left already) and was surprised to see that Cas, too, was also here. His heart pulled.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean greeted.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas greeted in return. Their old familiar tradition soothed Dean’s nerves. Perhaps there was still hope for them after all.

Dean stood closer than usual and thrilled as Cas didn’t move away. Could’ve sworn Cas moved in even closer, following that up by convincing himself that he was just imagining things. It was nice to have Cas close by again. That's what mattered most.

They spent, what, not even five minutes like that, comfortable enough in the silence, when Dean suddenly could not take his eyes off of Cas hand which was maybe five inches away, if that. It’d be so easy to just reach over and brush his pinky against the angel’s. A glance up at Cas’ face showed the angel still gazing out at the ocean, seemingly oblivious (he wasn’t; he was hyper-aware of everything Dean was doing). The human looked back down at their hands and decided to go for it. Why? He had no idea. Just knew that he wanted to do it.

Slowly, bit by bit, he inched his hand towards Cas’, wanting to see if the angel had started staring at him or caught on, but kept his focus downward. If he knew Cas was actually paying attention to him, he’d chicken out. So, the space continued getting smaller. The smaller it got, the harder it was for Dean to breathe, alerting him to the fact that he kept holding his breath. He tried to regulate without alerting Cas that something was wrong.

_Come on, man, this is such teenage bullshit you’re doing right now. You’re a fuckin’ thirty-something-year-old adult. Act like one!_

It was too late, though. His hand reached Cas, and for a hot second, nothing happened.

Then Cas pulled his hand away and looked at Dean in full. He looked annoyed.

“You really are a chickenshit, you know that?”

Dean stared at him with wide eyes, so shocked no words at all even crossed his mind.

Once started, there was no stopping Cas. It all came out now.

“You know, Dean, I thought I’d stand by and see what the many things you’d try to do before you said the words, and I thought I’d last a lot longer than, well, a few measly minutes, but I cannot stand it! I cannot stand_ you_. I’ve stood by your side all of these years, I fought by your side, I’ve saved your life time and time again, and oh yes let’s not forget I saved you from Hell. Hell, Dean! I went to fucking God-Damned Hell for you! I’ve watched you flirt and bed every single woman that so much as crossed your path. I’ve stood silent as each and every one of them left your room the next morning never to be seen again. I’ve watched as you’ve taken an interest in every single other human being but never me. I thought, I honestly thought back then that if you’d just start taking an interest in me that I’d be happy with that but now that you have, I feel worse! Because I’m a stupid shit that—”

Dean had no idea what overcame him but Cas’ ranting was insanely adorable to him, extremely endearing, and he just couldn’t help himself. He took Cas’ face in his hands and gave him the kiss he’d been dying to give him.

To his surprise, Cas didn’t accept it. Instead, he broke it off and pushed him away, eyes wide with innocent shock despite the anger seething beneath the surface.

“What the hell was that?! Do you honestly expect a kiss to shut me up??! God, Dean Winchester, I honestly wish I’d never met you!”

Then Dean does the Worst Thing Ever and says something he wishes never came into his mind at all:

“You know, Cas, you’re acting like such a bitchy girl right now..."

Cas’ sharp intake of breath makes Dean wish he could just stab himself in the heart here and now…that is, if Cas doesn’t do it first.

“You did not just…” Cas decks Dean and says as Dean sprawls out onto the deck floor: “How’s that, assfuck! Is that manly enough for you?!” He steps over Dean’s body, purposely catching his foot right in Dean’s crotch and walks away. Dean is too busy howling in pain to notice the smug look on Cas’ face or hear the applause from the surrounding patrons who had watched.

It took him about ten minutes to find solid footing again. Boy, oh boy, did he wish for a beer right now. No, actually, something stronger than a beer. Whiskey. Whiskey would be right fine, wouldn’t it? And surely, there must be a bar around here _somewhere. _He supposed you wouldn’t cram a whole shit ton of adults onto one place without alcohol to ease tensions. He sets out to find it.

Doesn’t find it, but a good hour later he finds his brother, who just minutes prior, had discovered Cas on the far port side of the ship, alone, crying. When asked, Cas tells him. Sam is furious at his brother, and without waiting a single second for Dean to get out a greeting, lays another punch hard against the guy’s right shoulder.

“OW!” Dean roars as he almost loses his balance, hand against his shoulder as if that’d magically stop the pain. “Sam, what the _fuck_ was that for?!”

“Oh, don’t you play dumb, you lousy shit! You know what you did!”

Dean, indeed, did know what he’d done. He just hadn’t known that Sam knew.

He took a breather.

“Where is he, Sam?”

“After what you said to him, Dean? I don’t fucking think so.”

“I didn’t mean to say it! I swear to God! It just slipped out in the heat of the moment!”

Sam visibly cringed after the last four words and Dean Remembered. Neither made a comment. Both recovered from the moment and Sam spoke next.

“I do think it’s funny—and by funny, I mean really fucking stupid—how you accidentally say something honestly _that_ hurtful but you won’t intentionally say that you love him. All you do, Dean, is make him feel like shit! I’m surprised he hasn’t ditched your ass yet. I don’t know why he doesn’t. You used to be decent to him. Now? Fuck, man, he deserves a helluva better more than you!”

“I KNOW THAT!” Dean’s scream was so loud it startled himself, nor was it lost on him how Sam was now a step further from him. He closed his eyes as the storm that had been building up these past couple of days began to rage, completely beyond his control. “I know what I’ve done to him,” his breathing is shaky and his voice is on the verge of breaking. “I know what I’m doing to him. I want to stop. By God, I want to stop. I want to tell him I love him. You have no idea. He has no idea. It’s there, I swear to everything, it is there and it is not leaving and I am so done trying to fight it. But every time I try to say it, the opposite happens. I don’t know why I’m like this, Sam!”

Sam is surprised when Dean opens his eyes, now full of tears; one rolls down the man’s cheek. He [Sam] had been so focused on Cas getting hurt and trying to be there for him that he never once stopped to think that maybe Dean was hurting, too. That still didn’t excuse the man one bit, of course, but Sam took a softer approach now.

“Listen to me. He’s not going to talk to you anytime soon but you need to find him later on. Say a couple of hours from now, and apologize. Literally have the first thing you say to him be an apology. And don’t you dare leave that convo until you’ve told him that you love him because let me tell you now, Dean, if he wasn’t stuck here, he’d be long gone. Forever. You’re damned ass lucky that something weird is going on with the ship. This is your last fucking chance, do you hear me? We anchor tomorrow morning. And as soon as we do, that’s it. Time’s up. So tell him how you feel. It’s literally now or never, Dean.” Sam walked past. As he reached the exit to the deck, he turned back and called out: “If you see Gabe, tell him to come find me. I’m starting to miss him.”

“Will do!” Dean called back weakly. He sank to the floor under the weight of the storm in his mind and found that he could not hold back the tears. Sam’s words had scared him. The idea of losing Cas forever scared him worse. It made him realize that telling Cas he loved him was by far the least scary of all the possibilities he faced right now. And that was something. He wanted to jump right up, find Cas, and do it now, but knew Sam was right. Cas wouldn’t really hear it right now. So, he would wait…again…one last time. It truly was now or never and he was finally ready.


	12. Fate Strikes, Part Two

A couple of hours turned into five. First, Dean got swept up in some weird conga line? And then the Captain just _had _to talk to him (and others) about his experiences being a Captain and how he came to be on the cruise ship as well as how much he enjoys this line of work. After that, he invited that small group to an intimate lunch with him (you do not, _do not_ say ‘no’ to the captain of all people) so of course, Dean went to that. After that, it was about three in the afternoon. He honestly set out to find Cas, somehow found himself playing badminton?? Way he figured he hadn’t really been listening to the people who’d struck up a convo with him and had nodded along at just the wrong moment, that being when they’d asked if he’d like to be their friend’s partner since her husband hated badminton or something. Who knew? Who _cared?_ He needed to find the angel, his angel!

Finally the game was over. At five-thirty, Dean finally set out to find Cas for real, and managed to find him in the same spot Sam (unbeknown to Dean of course) had left him. He saw the red, puffy eyes and felt the guilt tear and twist into him. He went to go say ‘hello’ and then remembered Sam’s advice:

_Literally have the first thing you say to him be an apology._

“I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean said.

Cas looked at him for a second then looked away again and shrugged a shoulder that said _Great, so what? _Which tore into Dean even worse than the guilt.

“Cas, I swear—”

“Dean, just…leave me alone, would you? I’m over it. You’ll never get to where I am. I got it. Believe me, you can stop trying.”

Dean took a breath. He’d known this would be hard. It was okay. He could do this. He had to do this.

“That’s not something I want to do.” He moved in closer, all _too _aware of his own breathing, of Cas becoming nervous at his approach, at the more obvious signs of Cas’ earlier crying. His heart was beating too fast. His muscles felt too weak. It was like all systems were on overload. Too much longer of this, he was going to implode.

“I very much want to keep trying.”

Cas blew out a breath.

“Why now?! What makes now so god damned more special than years ago? Or even months ago!”

“Because now I’ve stopped ignoring the feelings that I have. I’ve stopped fighting them. I realized, Cas, what’s far more important. I realized that I l—”

“DEAN LOOK OUT!” Cas yelled too late.

Something slammed into his back hard enough to knock him forward. Unfortunately, forward was the railing edge of the ship, and while he was sprawling forward, he failed to grasp the railing and went over. It’d all happened so fast he hadn’t even seen the railing to grasp it. Now he was falling and screaming about that fact.

“DEAN!” Cas yelled, jumping overboard after him.

“MEN OVERBOARD!” someone started yelling. Soon others joined him. Dean hardly noticed, gaze on Cas. He wanted Cas to be the last thing he saw before he died.

Cas had other ideas. He unfurled his wings and used them to increase his momentum to reach Dean before they hit the water. When he got Dean, he then spread out his wings as a makeshift parachute. It wasn’t enough to stop them, but it slowed them significantly enough so that when they did finally hit the water, the force was the equivalent to jumping into a pool from the diving board.

Dean broke the surface of the water a couple of seconds after going under. Cas already had his head free and was easily floating in place, staring at Dean with panicky concern.

“What…in the hell…just happened?” Dean gasped; he was surprised his heart was still beating after experiencing that terrifying fall. If he thought the dreams about that had been bad…Lordie.

“Some people were playing catch, only the guy threw it too long, and the other guy backed up to catch it without looking and uh, knocked into you and you fell overboard.”

Now Dean was looking up the side of the ship which was _ginormous _at this angle. He looked at Cas again slowly, measuring how far it was down from where he thought they’d been.

“That would’ve…”

“Likely, yes, it would’ve killed you,” Cas finished. Dean saw the flash of agony in the angel’s eyes at the thought. Felt the same agony at the thought of leaving this planet when Cas was on it.

“Cas…you saved my life.”

Cas regarded Dean as if he was being particularly slow.

“Of course I saved your life, dumbass. I wasn’t going to fucking watch you fall to your death. Jesus, what is wrong with you? Why the hell…”

Dean swam over as Cas went off on another rant, intending to kiss him. It was tricky to manage but he did manage to get his lips back on the angel’s again. Cas responded faster than Dean thought possible, grabbing the human to him without thinking, to kiss him in return. Both stopped kicking their feet to stay afloat and the next thing they knew, they were under water.

Dean had a momentary panic before instinct had him breaking the surface again so he could breathe. Cas, meanwhile…

“Why the fuck are you laughing?!” Dean demanded.

“I…I don’t…know!”

Dean found it rather contagious. By the time the ship was able to rescue them, they were both dying of uproarious laughter, clinging to each other as they let it out. It was over by the time they were back on the ship being handed blankets, though. Cas was offered one first, ended up using his to put around Dean, who felt his cheeks go red at the action. Cas offered him a smile, watching as Dean’s cheeks got even redder. Then Dean’s blanket was offered to Cas, and Cas put that around Dean as well. As he did so, Dean looked him right in the eyes, finally finding his moment.

“I love you.”

Cas froze, hands on Dean’s shoulders in the middle of positioning the blanket just so, eyes locked on Dean’s, wide and vulnerable, and so blue. For a moment, Dean worried he hadn’t understood, and in the next, Cas’ lips were on his in a kiss that just about risked his life a second time. Then he didn’t care about breathing, all he cared about was Cas kissing him. The blankets fell off his shoulders as he placed one hand on Cas’ cheek, and wrapped the other arm around Cas’ waist to pull him closer. He felt like he was flying, his whole life suddenly filled to the brim and beyond with a pure, white light. From his head to his toes he felt a molecule-deep warmth that washed away all of his fears and anxieties, leaving behind pure joy and contentment. He found himself wondering why in the hell he’d taken so fucking long. What had he been _so afraid of?? _

All of a sudden, they heard a very loud _‘WAH-HOO!’_ and pulled apart to see the cause of it.

“IT’S ABOUT GOD DAMED TIME!” Sam roared with joy, pushing his way through the crowd which was more than happy to get out of his way. His face was flushed with jubilation. “Dean, it took you—”

“Everyone knows, Sam,” Dean retorted. “I’m a total dumbass who took a really, really, stupid, moronic, idiotic, stupendously long time to come to this point. Cas,” he looked at the angel with a very solemn expression, “you need to leave me now. Find someone better.”

Cas stared at him for a half a second before smacking him upside the head.

“Dean Winchester, I did not just seriously wait eleven fucking years to hear that you love me, to feel you kiss me, just to walk the fuck away when you finally come to your damned senses. Fuck you, I’m not going anywhere.”

Dean, Sam, and the crowd all laughed. Dean followed that by pressing a kiss to the side of Cas’ head.

“I really am sorry,” he said.

Cas sighed, took one of Dean’s hands in both of his, and rested his head against Dean’s shoulder.

“You’re forgiven. Better late than never.”

The crowd, seeing there was nothing more to see, began to disperse, soon leaving just Sam, Dean, and Cas to themselves.

“So, I saw a bar earlier during my search for Gabe, and I think we should head on there now to celebrate such a momentous…guys…Guys. GUYS!” Oh, it was no use. They were too busy making out again. Sam gave them their space to come up for air on their own, surprised when that was only a few minutes later.

“Sorry, Sam, you were saying…” Dean found his gaze drawn right back to Cas’ lips, “…something?”

Cas laughed and turned Dean’s head towards his brother, clearly loving all the attention Dean was now freely showering upon him.

Sam rolled his eyes, also loving the attention Dean was freely showering upon Cas. There were no words to describe how happy he was for them.

“As I was saying, there’s a bar on the ship a couple of decks down, we should go there to celebrate such a momentous long-coming occasion.”

That got Dean’s attention in a heartbeat. Alcohol would be a _fabulous_ addition. He stood up too fast, got dizzy, and almost went down again but Cas caught him, playfully accusing that he’d done that on purpose.

“Ooh, you got me, angel,” Dean teased back, it being all too easy to nuzzle the angel’s neck, finding out that that was something Cas really, _really_ liked.

“Dean,” he half-moaned/half-sighed, leaning his head to the side to better expose his neck to Dean’s lips. Dean at once forgot all about alcohol until water, wet and way too cold, splashed onto them (well, him, actually). He jerked away from Cas while letting out an exclamation.

“I had to do it,” Sam explained. Dean, now freshly wet and cold, glowered at his brother.

“You just _had_ to give me pneumonia?!”

Sam remained unapologetic. “You gave the poor guy a boner and in any second you were bound to get one, too, and it was just awkward. Now is so not the time to…you know. I was saving you from embarrassing yourself.”

“First of all, Sam,” Dean said, taking a step towards his brother, “I already have a boner. I had a raging boner the very second he breathed into that moan of his. Secondly, I _just _started to get dry, asshole!”

“Dean, let it go,” Cas said behind him, sounding adoring and amused at the same time.

_How’s he do that? _Dean wondered, feeling his anger back right off, replaced just as fast with total adoration. He went back over to his beloved and felt his hand be taken, fingers intertwined with Cas’. He looked down with newfound wonder, loving, absolutely loving the warmth spreading from the touch.

“How are you doing that?” Dean asked him.

Cas smiled at him and gave him a soft kiss.

“It comes with loving an angel.”

Which spoke volumes to the both of them.

Now Sam was annoyed because where they couldn’t be brought together, now they couldn’t be separated.

“Come on, you lovebirds.” He gave them a light shove in the right direction, breaking out in a wide smile when Dean rested his head against Cas’, their hands adorably intertwined between them, the perfect picture of a couple he had always known they’d make.

He loved them so much more than he ever could’ve imagined; and the _relief_. Oh, the relief.

At the bar, Dean stopped short when both Gabe and the bartender chorused:

“Finally!”

“Excuse me?” Dean asked, eyeing the stranger behind the bar (and missing the look of absolute recognition Cas was giving the guy). He understood why Gabe had said it, but the stranger couldn’t possibly have…oh. Gabe told him.

Of course Gabe told him.

“It’s been a long time in coming, Dean Winchester.” The bartender looked to Dean’s left and smiled with a deepening affection. “Castiel. It has truly been too long.”

“Indeed it has, Eros.”

Sam’s eyes widened as he recognized that name. His breathing stopped altogether. Never did he expect (even with dating an angel and being a part of the supernatural world) that he'd ever be in the presence of a Greek God.

Dean, on the other hand, had no idea what that name meant. He was increasingly confused as Cas hugged this…this Eros guy; okay, he was also a little jealous.

“Cas…?”

Eros came back with Dean’s angel, watching as Cas joined Dean, looking at them as if they were his children.

Cas didn’t need to explain. Eros did the work.

“Dean, I am Eros, the Greek God of love and sex. I’m a Cupid. There are many of us all over the world for all kinds of cultures. Anyways. It is so nice to see you two finally together. What a long road that was. Many cupids were involved.”

“Excuse me??” Dean exclaimed. _Many cupids?? The fuck did that mean?? _Even Cas was looking surprised by this.

“Indeed. Have a seat, why don’t you? Sam, Gabe,” Eros favored Gabe with a look that said _you’re next on my list of lectures _to which Gabe heaved a sigh and reluctantly followed Sam over to join Cas, Dean, and Eros at a table meant for a large party. Cas and Dean sat on the left, Sam and Gabe on the right, Eros at the end with his back against the wall. He focused his attention upon Dean and continued. “Alright, so, the original plan was for you to fall in love with Cas nearly upon meeting him. It took you a couple of days to work up the courage, but you asked him out and by this time in that timeline, you two are married.”

Cas favored Dean with a glare. “Oh, really??”

Dean looked down at his hands, suddenly feeling very, very small. Had he said sorry yet? Well, he said it again.

“It’s okay, Dean," Eros assured, "Cas, easy now, back off. It’s not his fault. In that timeline, Mary Winchester and John Winchester are very much alive. Sam is off being a lawyer, and Dean, Dean is a mechanic.”

Dean looked at Eros.

“Then how the fuck did I meet Cas?”

“Cas fell from Grace. He was human. You both lived until your 80s, then died and continued on as eternal soulmates, returning to Earth every so often to find each other all over again. Well, like I said, that was the plan. Unfortunately, it got horribly derailed when we received intel too late about a demon planning a move against your mother in an attempt to stop that timeline. Thus birthing this timeline where you, Dean Winchester, are raised with your brother by a single father grieving the loss of his wife caused by a supernatural entity. The obsession consumed your father, turned his heart into stone, which trickled down to you, since you were the eldest son. He was far too hard on you about so many things that made love come so easily to you in the original plan. The first time you met Cas, we watched with horror as you showed no interest. It wasn’t until rather recently that we realized you did still have feelings for him, but they were buried due to your father’s poor parenting. There were a couple of times we had to intervene, cause something to err you back onto the right course when you tried to take a wrong turn. Because no matter what else happens, you must fall in love with Cas. That is what is Written. So believe me when I say, it is such a huge relief that you finally let go.”

Dean turned to Cas, absolutely horrified.

“It was so much worse than—”

Cas pressed a finger to Dean’s lips and shook his head.

“Forgive and forget. I forgave, I’m forgetting. What matters is what is, not what was or what if. What is is that you finally said you love me, you’re finally open about your feelings. I’m happy. Please forgive yourself and enjoy what is.”

Dean could concede that the angel had a point.

“Alright, I’ll do that.”

Cas smiled. “Kiss me.”

Dean gladly obliged.

“Okay, you two,” Eros interceded (and the two pulled apart in an instant of course; you do not upset a God). Eros focused upon Gabe, becoming serious. “You, sir, are in a heaping load of trouble.”

Sam started to scooch away from Gabe.

“Hey!” Gabe exclaimed, staring accusingly at Sam.

“If he smites you, I don’t want to get singed!” Sam exclaimed. “Unless…you’re going to smite me, too.”

Eros rolled his eyes. “I’m not smiting anyone, move back over, Sam. Gabriel, your attempts to force Dean and Cas together made things forty times worse for me and my coworkers. All of your attempts were immature—in the sense of timing—and damned near ruined their romantic timeline altogether.”

Gabe huffed, staring at the table. “You didn’t have to live with them. The tension was unbearable.”

“OH MY GOD!” Sam burst out. “WOULD YOU JUST FUCKING ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG?!”

Gabe glared at him. “_Clearly _I was partly right! These two got together!”

Eros barked out a laugh.

“Kid, listen to me—”

“Kid?! I’m older than you!” Gabe shot at him.

“LISTEN!” Eros roared, his words echoing in the room. Gabe promptly sat back, full alert. “I’m actually older than you. You think your father was the only one who created the Universe? Bitch, please. Now. What got Dean and Cas together was myself making it so Sam would click on the link that drew him to that site about the haunted cruise. It was me who made it so y'all didn’t realize it wasn’t a truly haunted cruise until it was too late for you to leave. It was me _and_ my coworkers who had to sigil the boat so that angels couldn’t fly off. And it was my coworkers who helped maneuver Dean to where Cas was hours later than he planned and knocked him overboard. Leading to…” Eros let out a laugh at seeing Dean and Cas making out again. “Well, that.” He looked back at Gabe. “You need to admit you were wrong. You need to apologize for making things worse to those two and to your boyfriend.”

Gabe scowled at the table.

“I wasn’t wrong,” he muttered.

“Gabriel, so help me, I will snap my fingers and force the truth out of you which, trust me, is a very, _very _unpleasant feeling. If you think a nail on a chalkboard is bad, this is about twenty times worse.”

Gabe looked up, pleading.

“I can’t be wrong. I mean. They’re so cute together! They’re meant to be. I felt that, Eros! From the moment I came into Sam and Dean’s life, I felt that! I…I…” Gabe saw Sam staring at him with such a hurt expression that it actually sunk in that Cas and Dean hadn’t been the only ones affected by his meddling. “Oh. Sam, I didn’t realize. I didn’t know it was hurting you, too. I am so sorry.”

Gabe, on a roll now, apologized to Cas, to Dean, and to Eros, admitting he had indeed gone too far in his meddling. Of course all forgave him. Sam, now happy again, moved into his lover’s arms for cuddles. Cas and Dean resumed making out.

Eros, seeing that his work was finally done for these four, blessed them all, stood up, and walked away.

All that was left was the happily ever after.

** _The end._ **


End file.
